Sleeping City - A Dan and Phil Fanfiction
by scorpioxx
Summary: You have been living in London for two years now and things seem to be going nowhere, until one night at work when things change. This is a point of view fan fiction. y/n means your name. This fan fiction involves Dan and Phil and the Phandom.
1. Chapter 1

Sleeping City- A Dan and Phil Fanfiction

Your point of view

You had left your parents' house 2 years ago to live in London, staying in a small 1 bedroom apartment you spent most of your nights either working, watching television or viewing videos on YouTube. The bar you worked in paid you a small pay that barely covered your apartment's fee and after two years of living on the bare necessities you had begun to feel drained and worn down by the dull and boring experience that had never been and most likely would never be as exciting as you had expected when you had first moved out to London; you had finally had enough. At 21 years old, you had never felt worse.

It was mid-November, the crisp leaves had silently fallen to the ground throughout London and tonight felt different. You combed through and straightened your dark brown hair, then got dressed into a dark green long knit jumper. Work started at 7pm and you thought today might be the day you either quit your job or had a mental breakdown as an aggressive customer demanded an order while half intoxicated, so off to work you went. Leaving your apartment you felt the bitter cold bite your skin as your dark black boots bounced off of the damp leaves, you headed towards the underground. The underground was over-crowded, filled to the brim with people, it made you feel anxious, self-conscious and somewhat like you were being stared at by anyone and everyone. Once you had got onto your train and reached your stop you felt better, and even more when you reached the streets of central London. The centre of London was still crowded but it felt more like home. You stood for a moment, taking in the raw beauty of London, the lights and the people, everything fit together perfectly in such harmony. For a moment you had reminded yourself why you came to London in the first place.

10 minutes later you had arrived at the bar. It was run-down but still attracted a large crowd most nights. Once you had stepped inside you found yourself behind the bar with an apron strapped around your waist, you served customer after and before you knew it you had been at work for an hour, it was 8pm. The florescent light from the central dance floor flooded the room, reflecting off of the wallflowers and groups of wildly drunk friends. You had begun to feel like this would be a typical night in the bar, maybe a fight or two would break out but nothing too big. The door opened, usually this didn't catch your attention but the freezing air had flowed into the heavily warm bar, two tall figures walked in.

Phil's point of view

Dan had spoken about this bar before and tonight you had both decided this was the place to go. It seemed like and older bar than you were used to but you liked that, it was charming. As you and Dan took a few steps into the bar you walked almost instinctively towards the booths so that you and Dan could find your bearings. As you sat next to Dan one of the waitresses walked over, quite swiftly too. As both you and Dan realised this at the same time you looked at one another in confusion, had you sat somewhere reserved for someone else?

"Dan! Phil! Is that you?"

Oh! She knew us! Dan spoke first

"Hey! Yeah I guess it is!"

"Oh I'm a huge fan! I love your videos so much… I hope I haven't scared either of you." Her face was excited yet worried, but she seemed nice.

"Don't worry! Do you want a hug?" You offered

Her face lit up "yes… please"

You hugged her. She was short maybe 5ft 2, but definitely a lot shorter than you. She smelled amazing, like vanilla. But most of all her green eyes were a deep tranquil colour, almost grey yet still green. She was very comforting. As you and her let go of each other, Dan lent in for a hug and you could sense he felt the same way about her.

"What is your name?" You asked her

"I'm y/n, thanks for asking"

"That's a pretty name" Dan replied

The rest of the night the three of you spent together, y/n got us a discount on drinks and once in a while she would sneak one for herself, it was an amazing night. As the three of you parted around 3am you and Dan gave y/n your numbers, she was different and you felt like you would become good friends.


	2. Chapter 2

_I am sorry for the amount of spelling and grammatical errors in the last chapter, I will make an extra effort to make sure my work makes sense. This is my first attempt at writing so please be patient._

Dan's point of view

It has been 3 days since we met y/n at the bar, you really want to see y/n again and part of you wanted to beg Phil not to join you but you knew he liked her too. But you weren't sure how much he liked her… yet. It was a late afternoon and the sun had already begun to set, the rosy sunset poured itself through the delicate blinds and onto your bed as you lay there; contemplating what you should do. Then, almost weirdly, you realised you could invite her around while Phil was out. Grabbing your phone you called y/n. The phone rang…

"Hello." She spoke

"Hey, it's Dan. Is this y/n?"

"Oh hi! Yeah it's me. What's up?"

"Well I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to hang out, at the flat. You know… just us. If you aren't busy."

The awkwardness of the conversation drilled into you. There was a short yet unanticipated pause.

"Yes… yes I would love to. I'm really shocked you've asked me I didn't think this would ever actually happen." She had begun to laugh quietly to herself.

You felt rather pleased that you could make someone who enjoyed watching you happy, as if you had finally made a small connection to someone rather than just entertaining them for a few minutes on the internet.

"Great! I'll text you the address, what's the soonest you can be round?"

"Err, I'll leave in ten minutes so I should be as quick as possible"

"See you soon"

"Goodbye"

The phone cut off.

Your point of view

Heart racing you paced around your apartment, grabbing your bag and keys, stopping periodically to check how you looked in the mirror. The natural curl to your hair made you look slightly acceptable but still you seemed tired from working late last night, or early this morning depending on how you looked at it. Wrapping a warm coat around yourself and applying a faint perfume you began to feel more acceptable, finally adding some mascara you felt better. Then you exited your apartment, taking the stairs for a change. Walking along the street it suddenly hit you. You were going to Dan and Phil's apartment. OH GOD! Heart racing, you walked swiftly to the subway again but this time you headed for their flat. Not long later you were stood there in silence, outside the flat. You realised how crazy you must have seemed so slowly you lifted your hand to the bell to ring the flat. Then you pressed it. Everything seemed like a dream but you knew things could only get better.

The door opened and Dan was stood there. You had forgotten how tall he was, wow.

"Hi y/n, want to come in?" Dan offered.

"Hiya, yeah thanks. It's great to see you."

Dan leaned to the side to open the doorway to you. Stepping through into the flat was like you had stepped into a different world, a world you had longed to be a part of.

"How are you?"

"I'm great, what about you?" you replied

"I'm better now that you are here, Phil went out a while ago, and I've been alone for a bit." He seems nervous.

"Well I'm really happy to be here, I've watched you and Phil for a while; you are like heroes for me… but not in a weird way ha ha ha."

He laughs at your comment, his dark eyes consume you so deeply. Admittedly he is unbelievably attractive but you had always found Phil to be more your 'type', whatever that meant because they are pretty similar people.

The pair of you made conversation while he took on a guided tour of the flat, it was everything you expected and more, all the old memories from videos were there and everything seemed surreal. After time went by you and Dan felt comfortable with each other, you spent the rest of the night eating take-away while watching horror films in the living room and everything was perfect apart from one thing, Phil wasn't there. Even the warmth off of the fire couldn't keep you from feeling that the night was cold and incomplete without him here; it was just Dan, not Dan and Phil. Around 9pm you began to feel that you had outstayed your welcome, after all you wanted to leave before you ran out of things to say. So, as Dan sat beside you, grinning at the TV, you decided you would say goodbye.

"Hey, Dan this has been great"

"Yeah! I'm glad I invited you round. I've never asked someone to do this before, to just come round. It can be difficult trusting some of our fans, I want to trust them but before we know it everything we keep secret could be out, there's very little privacy in our world. Do you know what I mean?"

"I understand, but I'm so grateful that you trusted me. I promise I will never share your address, or anything else like that."

His eyes and smile gleam into your soul, you know now that you are friends; you are not just another face in the crowd, you are someone.

"Thanks." He says gently.

"Look Dan, I have to get going soon. I'm sorry but I need to get some sleep I have… some stuff to do tomorrow. Thanks for having me round." You try your hardest to seem like you don't want to leave, but in reality it should come naturally because all you want is to stay.

"Oh, sure. I'll see you out." He seems slightly hurt, but not too offended.

You walk behind him, taking in everything that you've seen, every inch of carpet and the colour of the paint on the walls. Everything is so important to remember, you might never return unless they invite you again. At the bottom of the stairs Dan opens the door as you wrap your coat around yourself again. As you walk out of the door you turn around on the doorstep. Standing face to face with Dan you lock eyes.

"Thanks, for everything"

He smiles, not just with his mouth; with his eyes. He leans in slowly and hugs you. You hug him back tenderly.

"Come around again soon okay?" His words dance in your ears as he speaks so closely to your face, you can feel his warm breath in contrast to the cold dark air of the night.

"I promise."

Letting go of each other you walk down the street, turning occasionally to see him standing in his doorway watching you. Your phone vibrates when you near the end of the street. Looking at it you see it reads, "Are you sure you want to go, it's really dark. You could stay the night. Dan x".

As you turn round to look at their flat, Dan is walking down the street towards you. You walk towards him; knowing that it was what you really wanted, deep down.


	3. Chapter 3

_I know I haven't uploaded in a very long time but I would like to apologise and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. I will try to upload more frequently._

Dan's point of view

Hands on y/n's shoulders, you walk with her back to the flat. You can feel the heat radiating off of her, and the beating of her heart. The idea that she could like you back excited you as it had been a while since you had been in a steady relationship, so you attempted to stay rational as you guided her back into your home.

"I'm glad you changed your mind y/n, it is really late and I wouldn't want you to get hurt on the streets of London at night." You say calmly

"Thanks Dan, do you know what time Phil will get home?"

It baffled you how every little thing you two spoke about typically ended with y/n referring to Phil. Yet even then it shocked you how well she knew things about you and Phil, it was definitely disturbing at first but you respected that you were a part of her life. In fact you wanted to be a part of hers, maybe you were already half way there this way.

"Oh, I'm not sure. He is with some guys in town; he could be a while." As you spoke you opened the door to the flat. Holding your hand onto the door, y/n stepped through and you followed her closely, almost leaving no space between you and her.

Y/n giggled sweetly. " I hoped to see him." Her northern accent was so beautiful, not rough or intimidating. Every time she did something you noticed every inch of her and how it changed ever so slightly. She was so perfect despite any flaws she might have, yet you felt she didn't know it.

As you both climbed the stairs to return to the living room she walked behind you. You could feel her eyes burning into you. You had forgotten how this must be for her, so surreal and unbelievable. Meeting your idols is always scary.

Emerging into the bright living room, the fire still burnt strongly and the T.V was still on. You sat onto the sofa as y/n sat beside you.

Your point of view

You couldn't even begin to comprehend what was happening. You were staying the night at Dan and Phil's house. Adrenaline coursed through your veins and your mind was on a tipping point, deciding whether or not to die of excitement or burst in terror. Then as you turned to face Dan on the sofa you and him made direct, intense eye contact. Sat closely next to each other. Face to face. Staring into each other's souls. He adjusted his shirt in embarrassment as he turned away slightly, his cheeks turned a rosy shade of awkwardness. You loved him. No you meant you loved it… Obviously…

Your thoughts danced violently between passion and confusion. What the fuck.

"Are you okay, y/n?" Dan's eyes were so calming, they drew you in. He stared at you again longingly.

" Can I use your restroom, please?" Any excuse to have a minute to yourself.

"Sure"

As you closed the door behind you, you fumbled with the lock until it secured the door in place. Holy hell what were you thinking. You had been invited to their home and you were acting so stupid. You splashed some water onto your face to freshen up, dried your skin on a towel and thought. After a few minutes you had calmed down and walked back upstairs.

"Dan?"

"In here, the kitchen I mean" he called back.

As you stepped into the kitchen Dan was baking, it shocked you. He had all the ingredients set out neatly and waited for you with a bright, brown eyed smile.

"I thought we could bake a cake" he added.

"Sounds great."

You realised Dan was trying to occupy time with anything, obviously you had only just met so conversation was a difficult thing.

Dan's point of view

As you and y/n added the ingredients to the bowl, she held the mixing the spoon. You gently lifted your hand on top of hers to guide her and placed your other hand around her waist nervously, you didn't want to rush how you flirted with her. You both laughed at each others' silly jokes about how awful this cake would be. She was so funny and witty, intelligent and somehow wise despite her youth. Her small, full lips and bright green eyes were so enchanting. As you twirled a piece of her hair in your fingers she turned to you and smiled slightly. You placed your hands on her hips and turned her to you fully.

"Is it okay if I kiss you?" You hope she will say yes.

She nods.

You lean in kissing her neck softly, leading yourself towards her mouth. You see her eyes are closed. You hesitate, but place your lips on hers.

"DAN?! Y/N!?" Phil stuttered as he fell through the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Phil's point of view

As you walk into the kitchen looking for Dan after a night out the smell of sweet cake mixture dances into your nose, while simultaneously you are shocked to see Dan and y/n kissing. Jealousy was your first response. Dan knew how you felt about y/n, didn't he? Well you hadn't exactly told him.

"Phil…" Dan said timidly "I didn't know you'd be back this early." Dan slowly moved his body away from y/n, glancing back at her occasionally while leaning on the counter.

"I guess I should leave you two alone." you respond.

"No, Phil, stay. Help us, please?" Y/n joins the conversation, she seems eager to get you to stay but you brush it off, she is just being nice.

"I'm tired, do you want me to call you a taxi y/n?"

"She is staying the night, In my room."

Dan's words are painful. The small kitchen seemed even more restricting, yet somehow you felt isolated in the conversation and thus decided to turn and walk to your room.

"Have a nice night, I'm tired so I'll see you tomorrow." You say reluctantly but cheerfully. "Goodnight." You add.

Sitting on your bed, you stare at the ceiling. Wishing you had been here when she arrived.

Your point of view

For a few seconds, while Phil leaves the room, you and Dan stare blankly at one another. Both of you feeling guilty, yet you didn't know what for. Of course you had a crush on Phil, but the feelings weren't mutual.

"I'm sorry Dan."

"You haven't done anything wrong." Dan places his hand under your chin and lifts up your face delicately until your eyes meet.

"I should go and talk to him"

"Oh, okay." Dan seems slightly taken by your suggestion. But you decide its best to sort things out with Phil.

You walk down the corridor slowly, thinking through what you might say, trying to sound comforting and caring. You find it difficult to judge your thoughts, after all they are in your head, how are you to know what they really sound like. A bright light shines from the edges of Phil's room into the dark hall, you raise your hand to knock on the door. As your hand makes swift and gentle taps onto his door, you hear Phil's footsteps travel towards you. The door opens and he stands there, looming gloomily over you.

"Hey." You say in an attempt at conversation.

"Did Dan send you here?"

"No, I promise. May I come in?"

Phil looks into his room, turns back to face you and opens his door even further, stepping sideways to let you in.

As you enter his room colours, more vivid than neon lights, stream towards your eyes. Just the way you imagined. You sit nervously on his bed sheets. He sits beside you, resting his head in his hands.

"Phil, why are you upset?"

"…I… I'm not. I just wanted to spend time with you as well. This is your first time here and your our friend, I just wanted to be here ." Phil's face looked heavily towards the floor.

You placed a hand comfortingly on his back, patting him ever so slightly.

"I'm really happy you wanted to spend time with me Phil. If you ever want to just call me. You should know by now, and it means more to me that you want to know me. Okay?" You try to laugh slightly at your comment in hopes he will cheer up too.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He raises his head, while his heavy eyes meet yours.

For a moment you think something is going to happen. A change in atmosphere. The aroma of the room. Your not sure what, but something is odd. You smile at Phil, lean in and hug him closely. His hands raise and meet you for an equally as caring embrace. You hear footsteps trace the hallway as Dan enters the room.

"Hey, Phil. You okay now?" His voice is calmed, in an attempt to reconcile with Phil. You know they hate arguing.

"Yeah thanks, y/n really helped."

By now you and Phil have let go of one another and you stood up and walked to Dan. You, Phil and Dan talked for around five minutes and then said good night to Phil, he felt tired after his night out, and left his room and headed to the living room.

Dan's point of view

As y/n waited watching the tv in the living room, you finished off the cake and brought in some drinks on a tray to ensure she wasn't thirsty. You decorated quickly with some icing and sprinkles. It wasn't the best job ever but it was what it was, a cake. You carried in the cake with some vodka to add a little extra fun to the drinks and placed them on the table. Y/n's eyes widened at the sight.

"Are you okay?" You asked

"Oh yeah, just working in a bar can put you off alcohol, you know. Seeing what it does to some people." Her eyes dance around the label of the bottle, she seems as if she is trying to decipher what this will do to her. You conclude she is not an experienced drinker.

"It's okay" you add "the cake will soak it up." You smirk at the idea she isn't used to drinking, it made her seem so much more innocent than you expected.

It felt like five minutes had gone by, but in reality hours had passed and at around 4am you and y/n were completely wrecked. The drink had gone straight to your veins. With muddled judgment and passionate thoughts you and y/n ended up wrapped in one another's arms, closely holding each other while lying on your bed.

"Hey… You know… Your great." You say, laughing occasionally.

"Thanks…" She says while giggling, " you are not too bad yourself Daniel."

"Daniel? Call me Dan."

"No, Danny."

The pair of you continuously laugh and shush each other in fear of waking Phil, but you most likely had woken the whole street with the noise that was made.

You plucked up come drunken courage to spurt out some feelings.

"You're so… Beautiful y/n. Do you know that?"

"Shhh… Don't be silly. But thanks…thank you." A smile grew across her face.

You still had some ability to make rational decisions, so you hope she was the same as you placed you hand behind her neck and pulled her face close to yours. She lifted her hands around your shoulders. You lips met, slowly. Then effortlessly your hands drifted around her waist, and your mouths stayed together sweetly. The kiss didn't stop, or at least it was a large number of very passionate kisses. The night went on in a blur, filled with kisses and passion till the pair of you drifted into sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Your point of view

As dawn crept into Dan's room you were awakened by a pounding headache. You turned your body and realised you were facing Dan. He was half naked and as you looked down your own body it became apparent you were too. Shame grew across your face and after a brief debate with yourself you silently crept out of his bed, gathered your things and put on your clothes. A quick glance back at Dan reminded you of how cute he looked when he slept, but then you walked straight through his door, down the stairs and finally opening the front door, stepping through it and leaving their apartment behind while closing the door quietly. After stabilising your thoughts you checked your phone. It was 7o'clock in the morning. The surprisingly early time left you with nothing else to do but to return home and after a rather spontaneous and busy night that seemed perfect.

When you had gotten home, you soaked in a hot bath for an hour and after wrapped yourself in your bathrobe and lay still on your bed. Until your phone vibrated. You hesitated, but checked it. The message was from Dan. It read, "hey, are you alright? You left really early and I hope you are okay".

You weren't sure how to respond. So you left it.

Phil's point of view

After a quick shower and some of Dan's cereal you sat before the T.V. and watched some programmes you had missed last night. After an hour or so Dan walked through the door like death woken up. He had a severe hangover and didn't seem like he was in the best mood either.

"Where's y/n?" You ask.

"She left." He answers bluntly. "She went before I had woken up. And she hasn't responded my text either."

For the first time in a long time, an awkward silence settled between you and Dan and you didn't like it. You didn't like it one tiny bit.

"Do… Do you want me to try texting or calling her?"

You see the question work its way through Dan's mind, resulting in a bewildered look upon his face.

"Sure, thanks Phil." Dan stood up and walked out of the room, turning down the hallway towards his bed room.

After a few moments you reached for your pocket and pulled out your phone, texting y/n saying "hi! Didn't get to say goodbye to you this morning. Hope your okay, see you soon."

Your point of view

Laying on your bed, wrapped in your quilt, you sat and thought about last night. You couldn't remember ending up in Dan's room and the last thing you do remember is eating cake and drinking with Dan in the living room. Wondering what had happened just left you filled with anxiety, with the feeling you could never return to their house again. Then your phone vibrated once more. This time it was Phil. Your not sure whether or not to answer him, but this time you feel like it's unfair to ignore them so you text both Dan and Phil. The message to Dan read "hi Dan. I don't know how to put this but I don't remember last night very well and I guess I feel weird about it. Thanks for checking up on me, I'm fine. Talk to you later." And the message to Phil read "hey Phil. Sorry I left so early. Hope to see you soon." Both messages were simple, Dan's contained more context as to why you had left but Phil didn't need to know what may or may not have happened.

After a while you realised you had work today, so you got dressed into a black t shirt with a dungarees skirt and some black tights. Then you slipped on some black canvas shoes, braided your hair and checked the time. It was just before noon so you texted your best friend, Marcus, inviting him out for lunch.

A few hours later you were sat in a small Parisian themed café, across the table from Marcus.

"So, you woke up in bed with a guy after going round to hangout, that's not like you!" He laughed uncontrollably.

You had left out a few details, like who it was and that you felt totally ashamed, with Marcus being a guy you felt as if you had to seem like everything that happened was on purpose.

"Yeah, I did. But I left before he woke up"

"Yes!" He raised his hand and you met it with yours for a high five. "Your finally learning to let yourself have fun… I'm so proud."

"I haven't done a good job at teaching you to settle down with someone though, have I?"

"No, you really haven't been trying, have you?"

"It's pretty hard to calm a maniac like you."

Both of you burst into laughter and spent the rest of the afternoon in and out of small, independent stores. You had bought yourself some things to pamper yourself with, you felt exhausted after last night, and Marcus had bought some early Christmas presents for his family.

"See you later y/n" Marcus shouted as you parted ways onto different platforms of the underground.

"Bye Marcus! See you soon!" You replied.

Sitting alone on the underground waiting for your train you felt so lonely. Every day you felt more compelled to go home, home to your family. Even meeting Dan and Phil didn't make you want to stay, especially since you might have slept with Dan. And as your train pulled up to the station you climbed on board, it was so packed you had to stand in a corner, behind a group of guys who appeared angered by a result in a football match. Aggression always intrigued you, never scared you, as if it was primitive to you rather than manly or powerful like they seemed to view themselves. And as their anger escalated you became agitated by their childishness. But after a short time they still hadn't calmed down, one of them turned to you.

"What are you staring at?!"

"Uhh, umm, nothing… I just"

"Don't think I won't start on you as well!" the guy's friends try to calm him but he is relentless.

"I'm so sorry, I…umm please just leave me alone."

Someone runs down the train carriage towards you.

"Y/n? Is that you?" It is Phil, closely followed by Dan, Pj and Chris.

"Do you know her?" The man throws the question towards them.

"Yes we do, what's going on here?" Dan asks as he stares into your eyes.

"Nothing, everything is fine." You answer.

"Yeah, sure looks that way." Dan replies in a sarcastic and grumpy tone.

"Hey, let's just leave this everyone, we will take her and everything will be alright, okay guys?" Pj adds some sense to the situation and the aggressive man's friends nod their heads in agreement.

The man's friends place their hands on his shoulders, attempting to edge him away from you.

"Fine, fine she can go. But you better teach her to give some more respect."

"Sure, whatever." Dan responds sharply as he grabs you by the shoulder and pulls you down the train into the next carriage.

As you look back Phil, Chris and Pj are following closely.

"What happened then?" Dan says quietly to you.

"I… Don't really know. They were arguing and he just turned to me."

Dan looks at you, his eyes drift up and down your body checking you are safe and unharmed. He really cares, you think.

As you sit down in the next carriage, Phil nods to Pj and Chris to sit a few seats away.

You turn to Dan and look at him with confusion struck across your face.

"They are just giving us some space, to talk." Dan expresses reassuringly.

"About… Last night." You mumble softly. Your not sure if you asked it as a question, or if you stated a fact as you already knew this was the topic in hand.

"What exactly do you think happened?"

"I… I don't know. I don't know what happened at all I have absolutely no memory of what we did after we started drinking."

Surprise grew across Dan's face, with a hint of amusement. "Really? You don't know?"

You shake your head as your cheeks turn rosy with embarrassment.

"Absolutely nothing, apart from, well…we kissed." Dan looks at you trying to assure you nothing is wrong.

"Thank god. But, how did I end up in… My underwear." You lower your voice on the last part. After all you are still in public.

"You said you were too warm, I thought I was helping you. So I undressed you. Is that okay, shouldn't I have don't that?"

You look at him deep into his dark eyes and then look at the floor. "Thank you, for helping me."

He places his hand on your shoulder then places his other hand under your chin and lifts your face. He smiles at you.

"I have to go to work soon." You say as you realise the time.

"Oh, okay. In the same bar that me and Phil met you in?"

"Yeah, the next stop is where I get off."

Dan looks down towards Phil, Chris and Pj, directing them towards you and Dan.

As they walk towards you, you stand up heading towards the door.

"Thanks guys, for helping me out."

"It's okay y/n as long as your okay." Phil replies.

"It was nice meeting you, but a shame it was in such a bad way. Hopefully we'll meet again soon." Pj adds.

"Yeah, look after yourself." Chris also adds.

"I'll try, and yeah maybe we'll meet again."

Dan looks up from his seat at you, then he stands and walks towards you.

"Bye." He whispers into your ear as he stands close. "Text me."

You know that you might not, you still feel weird, so you nod.

As the door opens you step off and don't look back.


	6. Chapter 6

Your point of view

Arriving at work, you remembered the last time you were here. How so much has changed since that day, yet you still felt the same inside. You craved family and to walk along the streets of your home town again. The last time you saw your parents was last Christmas and you hadn't been invited back again this year because they were so disappointed in you for achieving… Nothing, absolutely nothing in the past few years. So you knew just turning up at your parents house wasn't the best escape plan. But as you wrapped your apron around your waist and opened the door for the first customers your manager, Kelly, called you over to the bar.

"What's up with you?" She looked concerned, she had always looked out for you since she hired you on a whim when you first arrived in London and you felt she respected you for being a loyal worker, although you knew you respected her much more.

"I guess I'm just, I don't know. I feel like I don't know what to do anymore." You confide in her.

"Y/n your so young, you have years before you should start stressing about things." She places her hand on your back and pulls you in for a comforting hug. "Tell me what is wrong."

"I'm stressing over my family, and some boy stuff I suppose."

"Family can be tough and I know I can't help with that, it's not my place. But I can help with some issues involving the mystery that is men." Her lighthearted humour always lifted the room, she was part of the reason the run down bar was still popular. "Tell me about him."

"Less of a him, more of a them." You feel so embarrassed. Although Kelly had a reputation for being rather promiscuous and free willed you had always tried to present yourself as a respectable person to her.

"Woah, how many men have you been teasing y/n?" She laughed, your not sure if she was laughing with you or at you.

"Just two…" You lower your head, "but I haven't really teased anyone."

"What's the problem with these two guys then?" She says as she leans onto the bar.

"Well, I really like one of them. I see him as a potential partner, but I haven't made an effort with him at all. All I've done is embarrass myself by getting into… Situations with his best friend."

"By situations, you mean?"

"The guy I like caught me kissing his best mate, and on the same night I slept in the same bed as his friend. Not sleeping with him, just next to him… In my underwear."

She raises an eyebrow at the last addition to your reply."Does he know you like him?"

"I don't think so, by the way I've acted I'd say he thinks I don't like him at all."

"And what do you think of his best friend? Could you be with him?"

This had never crossed your mind so strongly before. You did seem to end up in many, many awkward moments with Dan and he did appear to be interested in you. The more you thought of it, it seemed like Dan had caused everything to happen. He had called you to hang out alone with him. He kissed you, on purpose. And in the train he pulled you away and made sure you were okay, as if he was protecting you. He also wanted you to text him. But in the same light, Phil was bothered when he realised you and Dan had been alone. And he was the first to get to you on the train. Maybe you were looking too deeply into that though. Maybe you needed to avoid them for a while.

"I don't know. Thanks for your help Kelly but I'll start working properly now. I need the extra money my rent is going up." You walk away to the storage closet and grab some cleaning equipment and decide to quickly clean the bathrooms before the rush of people packed into the club. Any isolation at the moment was all you wanted.

Phil's point of view

As you and Dan sit in the living room in front of the T.V. all you could think of was y/n. She seemed so afraid on the train, yet when she saw you, Dan, Pj and Chris she didn't act like she wanted your help. You also felt that there was tension between y/n and Dan, you wanted to know why.

"Dan?"

Dan's head lifted up and turned towards you. "Yeah Phil."

"What was up with y/n?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think you know exactly what I mean Dan. What happened between you two? Why did you pull her away to be alone on the train?"

"Honestly, nothing."

"Okay, fine."

Dan continues the conversation, but you don't listen too much. Something about anime. You look at your phone and text y/n. 'How's work'.

Thinking back to the bar she worked in it seemed awful. You even felt sorry for her for having to work some where like that.

Your point of view

You feel the vibration of your phone in the pocket of your dungarees skirt. Reading the message from Phil makes your tummy feel weird, you imagine it's what a butterfly sensation might feel like. This was the first time you'd had a real casual text off of Phil and you felt it was sincere. You text back. 'Awful, so many drunks. Not enough sober people. Wish I was somewhere else.'

Phil's point of view

She had texted back almost immediately. That felt nice. The thought that you had distracted her for a moment made you feel happier. You continuously texted her throughout the night and you receive replies constantly as well. She must have avoided a lot of work to text you so you hoped she didn't get in trouble.

Dan tapped you on the shoulder.

"Hey, who you texting?"

You hesitated, "y/n."

"Oh." Dan checks his phone and disappointment draws itself across his face, "she hasn't texted me."

"Was she meant to?"

Dan shrugs his shoulders and stands up to leave the room.

"I'm just going to my room, I'll be back in a bit."

Dan's point of view

Sitting on your checkered bed sheets you search for y/n's number in your phone, when found you call her.

She answers, "hey Dan."

"What's up?" You couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Well, work I suppose. I know this is rude but can you get to the point please I'm busy."

"If your busy how can you text Phil?" Your voice was agitated.

"Dan, that's different." You knew she could feel your irritation, and you knew she hadn't texted you on purpose.

"Sure. Just wanted to know if you wanted to come round tomorrow."

"Who…who will be there?" She seemed puzzled.

"You, me." You felt a direct approach was better, she had asked you to get straight to the point.

Silence crowded the call.

"Sure. What time?"

"Whenever." You were shocked at her answer. At least you had expected her to protest that Phil should be there.

"See you then."

You hung up the phone. Standing in your room you felt proud of yourself for being so direct. But then you realised you had to get Phil out of the house so that you two could be alone and you had absolutely no idea how you would do that. Maybe you could ask y/n if it would be okay for you both to go to her place instead. So you texted her saying, 'hey, just wondered if it would be okay for me to come over to your place instead.'

Your point of view

After a really weird phone call with Dan you felt excited about hanging out again tomorrow, until your phone vibrated again. He wanted to go to your home rather than his. You really, really didn't want that because you hated your apartment but the idea of saying no to Dan seemed difficult, how could you explain to him in a polite way that you didn't want him in your home. So you decide maybe you should let him come over, that way you can't end up in a similar situation as last time because you knew you wouldn't have any alcohol in the flat. You text him, 'sure sounds great, I'll text you my address tomorrow'.

As the night drags on work seems as normal as it can get for you. A couple drinks are spilled on you, while some are thrown on purpose. But that doesn't bother you too much as it only means people have to buy drinks again, which in turn gets you more money. Then as 3am approaches, the last song plays and the lights turn on, you remove your apron and grab your bag. You say goodnight to all the other workers and head home.

As your enter your apartment you decide to do a quick bit of tidying so you don't have to tomorrow when Dan arrives and after fifteen minutes everything seems a bit neater. Then you head to bed and scroll through your phone, watching videos and messaging friends. Until around 5am when you finally drift into sleep.

You are woken up around 10am to your phone ringing loudly.

"Ugh…" You groan.

You answer the phone without looking at the caller id.

"Hello."

"Hey y/n, you still haven't texted me your address and I've been texting you as well."

Realising its Dan you quickly cough to clear your throat, then you say "oh, sure I'll text you it now." Then you quickly send him the address.

"Oh. I just got your message now. Thanks."

"It's okay."

You feel as if there is nothing left to say him and a silence occurs until Dan breaks it.

"So, what time can I come round."

"Well I've just woken up"

He laughs, "so now then."

"Erm well not really."

"Great see you in half an hour!"

"Wait Dan I need to…" The line cuts off as Dan hangs up on you.

Quickly you have a shower, dry your hair and as you just finish getting dressed into a long maroon t-shirt and black leggings you hear a knock at your door. You swiftly check your hair and go over to the door.

Dan's point of view

You stand outside her door, with a cocktail mix in one hand and a small wrapped box in the other, waiting for an answer. She opens the door.

"Hey…" You say as she stands there with a small smile upon her face, "can I come in?"

She opens the door further, "yeah come in." Then she leads you into her flat and closes the door behind you.

"I got us this." You say as you raise your hand holding the bottles of cocktails. "And I got you this." Your other hand raises as you show her the small gift box.

Her eyes widen, "oh Dan, you shouldn't have. You barely even know me and you've bought me something."

"It's not anything special."

Her cheeks blush as she takes the beer and places it on the counter top. Her flat is open plan, with the kitchen and living room being in the same, small room. Then she walks over to you and says, "really Dan, I don't deserve anything."

You look down towards her and smile as you hand her the gift.

She opens the wrapping slowly and carefully, and her eyes widen as she sees it's a silver necklace with a small dark blue crystal as a pendant.

"Oh this is so beautiful."

You stand behind her and take the necklace to place it around her neck, and as you do you feel her soft skin and smell her sweet scented hair.

"Thank you Dan." Y/n's eyes begin to cry small tears that she wipes away quickly trying to stop you from noticing as she turns back to face you.

You place your hands on either side of her face and look into her eyes, her hands are placed on your shoulders and for a moment you think you should kiss her until she lets go of you and turns towards her sofa.

"Let's sit down and watch some T.V." She quickly remarks.

"Oh sure." You follow her and sit beside her on the cheap and uncomfortable sofa as she turns on the T.V and flicks through the channels.

"Y/n."

"Yeah."

"Will you be my…my girlfriend?"


	7. Chapter 7

Your point of view

What the absolute fuck…

Dan had not only brought alcohol around again even after last time but he also bought you a necklace as if you were materialistic. What did he think of you? That you would just become his girlfriend because he bought you a gift. Obviously he had good intentions but how were you supposed to respond, 'well Dan I actually like Phil' needless to say you couldn't do that. You just look at Dan in shock.

"Y/n? Are you okay?" Dan seems upset and slightly embarrassed.

You lower your head, "we have known each other for barely a week Dan. How would that work?"

"What does that even mean? What is the length of time we would have to know each other before I could show my feelings for you?" His voice is increasingly angry with every word, you had irritated him a lot. And what he said did make sense to you, a lot of sense actually. Only you felt that you were so confused that you just couldn't make a decision.

You look at Dan with an apologetic expression, "I'm sorry Dan."

He turns away from you and puts his head in his hands. "If you don't like me why have you let me kiss you? You've been leading me on. You didn't even text me after the fucking train." He was still annoyed, if not more now. He was reflecting upon everything.

"Dan…" you try to explain yourself but he interrupts you.

"I'm so stupid. I actually thought you were different."

"DAN!" You shout at him, rather more aggressively then you had expected yourself to.

He lifts his head away from his hands and he looks at you in shock.

"I'm sorry."

His expression changes from shock and anger to more neutral and sad. Then he hugs you, quite surprisingly you hug him back with the same amount of strength. Both of you cling to each other. You rest your head on his shoulder and he pulls you in tighter. You realise your crying, and so is Dan. His tears aren't as heavy as yours but he stills cries a tear or two. But you are full force crying, you'd finally broken, after so much isolation from someone who cares about you just being shown the slightest bit of affection by someone made you cry. You felt pathetic. You turn off the water works and attempt to pull away from Dan, but he pulls you back in and you wrap your arms around his shoulders and neck.

Dan leans into your ear, "do you like me back, at all?" He whispers.

The question sent shivers down your spine, because you did like him back and saying so wouldn't be a lie. "Yes."

Dan pulls away slightly and raises one hand to your face, cupping it in his hand. Then he looks into your eyes and you close them. He leans in and kisses you. At first he kissed you lightly, then he became passionate and so did you. Eventually you were laid down on the sofa with Dan on top of you, still kissing you passionately. Your legs were wrapped up with his and you held his face close to yours, ensuring the kiss never stopped. Then his phone rang and you both stopped kissing and looked at each other.

"I should get that."

"Okay."

Dan moves from on top of you and sits on the end of the sofa with his phone in hand.

"Hey Phil. What's up."

Dan listens to Phil, "I'm at y/n's flat."

As Dan says that your stomach drops. You didn't want Phil to now what had happened. So you tap Dan on the shoulder and as he turns to face you you wave your hands to express that he shouldn't say anything.

So Dan adds, "I'm just helping her…move some furniture." Dan hits himself on the forehead for using such an obviously false excuse. "Yeah…sure…okay… See you later Phil." He places the phone back into his coat pocket and turns back to you.

"Why didn't you want Phil to know why I was round here?"

"Wouldn't that be weird. If you just told him. Remember what happened at your flat." Another complete lie. The truth was you didn't want Phil to be put off you.

"Yeah, your right." He leans back in to kiss you again.

You contemplate moving away but decide that you'd already kissed him so another wouldn't make it worse. And plus, you hated to admit it but you liked the way he kissed you, he made you feel something, you weren't sure what but it was something.

So as he leaned in you closed your eyes and placed your hands on his shoulders while he placed his hands on your hips and edged you closer to him. Then his soft lips met yours. Once more the kiss began sweet and slow, then lead into passion. You didn't want it to end.

Dan's point of view

As you kissed y/n you pulled her onto your lap and placed your hands around her waist. The temptation to carry her into her bedroom was very strong, it took a lot of your strength not to.

After over fifteen minutes your lips were sore and y/n's skin was covered in love bites. Once again you were both in your underwear, but this time you both knew what you were doing, still not letting things get any further. Laying over y/n on the floor you pulled away from kissing her and watched as her eyes opened in confusion.

"Why have you stopped?" She asked

"I just wanted to look at you."

As you spoke she became embarrassed of herself, she took her arms away from you and covered her body while turning red from embarrassment.

You stroked her cheek and kissed her once, softly. Then, you placed your thumb and forefinger on the deep blue pendant placed between her collar bones and played with it, watching as light reflected through it.

"Dan, what time is it?" Y/n asked.

"Nearly noon."

"Should we go out somewhere?"

"We can do anything you want."

"Thanks Dan, shall we go to Covent Garden."

"Sounds great."

Both of you sit up on the floor and start redressing yourselves, when you're done you stand up and hold a hand out for y/n to get up off the floor.

"Thanks" she says.

After a few minutes are spent getting ready to leave you and y/n exit her flat hand in hand and walk along the dead leaf covered street towards the underground.

Your point of view

It felt strange to be walking hand in hand with someone, you weren't usually one for public affection but you felt as if Dan wanted you to, so you did. And as you got off the train at Covent Garden station you and Dan drift in and out of shops and the market for the afternoon. He continuously offered to buy you things and in an attempt to prove you weren't materialistic you refused to let him buy you a single thing.

You and Dan sat in a restaurant for a late afternoon meal, you were shocked by the familiar voice that came from behind you.

"Y/n, is that you?" It was Marcus. Oh shit.

You turn your head and see him walking towards you.

"Hi. Marcus this is Dan."

Dan and Marcus exchange pleasantries for a few seconds until Marcus opens his big fat mouth,

"So is this the same guy that you slept with?" You could see by the look on his face he knew what he was doing, and he found it funny.

"What does he mean?" Dan's face instantly become defensive, he has no idea he is the guy.

"Dan look, I can explain." You look back and forth between Dan and Marcus trying to think of what to say.

"You don't have to." Dan stands up and walks away out of the restaurant.

You try to follow him but Marcus grabs your arm and pulls you back.

"Thank god I saved you from that."

"What are you on?!" You push Marcus away from you and walk out of the restaurant but when you get outside Dan is gone and completely out of sight.

You get your phone out of your pocket and try calling him but it goes straight to answer phone. So you text him, 'Dan where are you I can explain everything' and you wait for an answer.

Phil's point of view

Pj and Chris had come round for the day and the three of you sat in the living room when you heard the front door open and slam.

You shout "Dan is that you?"

"Yeah."

"Pj and Chris are here."

"Hi guys" Dan says as he walks up the last few stairs and into the living room.

"Hey Dan." Chris says.

"Hi. Phil said you were with y/n. Is she here?" Pj asks.

"No, she uhh went home."

Your phone vibrates and it's a message from y/n. "That's weird, she just texted me asking where you are and saying to let you know she can explain…what happened Dan?"

"I can't…I don't know how to explain." Dan sits down and everyone looks at him waiting. "It's complicated. I asked her to be my…" Dan coughs "my girlfriend."

"Wow Dan we haven't known her long." You say with a mild hint of envy.

"That's not the problem Phil. She said no. And then, you know, we kissed for a bit. After a while we stopped and went out. We went to a restaurant where a guy walked up to her and asked her if I was some guy she had slept with. She's so complicated, it's constant mixed messages with her."

Everyone looks at Dan with sympathy. Except you. So while Pj and Chris comfort Dan you reply to y/n. 'Hey Dan is pretty upset about what happened, he told us everything and I don't think you can sort things out with him. Talk to you soon.'


	8. Chapter 8

3 days later.

Your point of view

It was official. You had completely fucked up whatever you had with Dan. He wouldn't listen to you and hadn't replied to your messages, even the ones saying that he was the guy Marcus spoke about. Phil had agreed to meet up with you in Hyde park today to talk things over, he seemed like he wanted to help to sort everything out between you and Dan, and for that you were thankful. At 1pm you headed outside towards the underground again and got off at Knightsbridge station and walked towards serpentine lake where you sat on a bench and waited for Phil.

After around ten minutes you felt impatient, you texted him, 'where are you Phil?'

He texted back quickly, 'sorry I'm running late, Dan found out I was coming to see you and wasn't happy. I'll be there in five minutes.'

So you sat, watching the world go by. You saw the couples walking together and families making memories, you filled with sorrow at the realisation that you had none of this. And the worst part of it was that it was all your fault. You had failed your family and always ruined every relationship you had. You really hated yourself, and this time you meant it.

"Hey, y/n!" Phil's voice came to you from further down the lake and you turned towards him.

"Hi!"

Phil walked over to you and sat next to you on the bench. You looked at each other.

"Phil, I swear to you my friend was talking about Dan."

"But you and Dan haven't slept together."

"I know…but I thought that I had when I spoke to Marcus, my friend."

"Why? What happened?"

Oh. Phil didn't know that you had woken up half naked next to Dan. You thought he would have told him about what had happened. Although, that does seem like a weird subject to bring up to someone even though that was exactly what you had done with Marcus.

"Well, when I stayed over me and Dan drank. For me it was a lot. And the next day I woke up next to Dan in my underwear. So I thought…well you know. And it turned out we hadn't but I only found that out when we were on the train yesterday."

"I don't know what to say. Apart from obviously your friend was talking about Dan. Do you want me to tell Dan."

You thought for a moment. The relationship, or whatever it was, that you had with Dan wasn't that meaningful. You knew you wanted to be with Phil, but that was sly. To show affection for Dan and then run off into the sunset with Phil wasn't your style.

"Yes, please. And tell him I'm sorry if I've upset him."

After a while you and Phil decided to hang out, to get to know each other, to finally have some personal time with just the pair of you. And as time flew by you felt a small but strong bond had formed between you and Phil, he had your back. For you it got slightly awkward when you felt like you wanted to kiss Phil and you had to remind yourself that you owed Dan to not do that.

Dan's point of view

Sat on the couch with your laptop in front of you, you scrolled through tumblr waiting for Phil to return from his little meeting with y/n. What did they think was going to happen? As you checked your phone for the first time today you saw another three missed calls from y/n and some messages as well. But you ignored them, she wasn't worth it.

You heard the door open and Phil shout up, "I'm back."

"Great.." You mumbled.

You listened as Phil reached the top of the stairs and walked into the living room.

"Well.." You said, "what did she say."

"Firstly Dan you have been such an idiot." Phil laughed slightly at his own statement.

"What, why?" You were so confused. She was the one who had slept with some guy and then said she didn't want a relationship with you because you had only just met. What kind of double standards was she maintaining.

"It was you."

"…How?"

"She told me when she woke up next to you she thought you had slept together. She then spoke to her friend about it and well you Know the rest."

"Shit."

You grabbed your phone and started calling y/n, but she doesn't answer. So you send her a message, 'I'm so so sorry please answer me.'

"Thanks Phil. I'm serious."

"It's okay Dan."

You stood up and walked into your bedroom. Sitting down and thinking over everything was all you wanted to do. As you lay on your bed and read through the messages she had sent you over the past few days you realised what an idiot you had actually been. Everything had been explained by her, time and time again. You had ignored her attempts to salvage what you both had. Guilt surged through you and you cringed at yourself.

Then your phone vibrated, a message from y/n had come through that read, 'I'm sorry Dan I can't believe what I've done. Don't worry I won't bother you anymore. Goodbye.'

"PHIL!" You shout.

He comes running towards your room, "what's wrong?"

"Read this…" You hand him the phone.

His eyes dart back and forth looking at the message.

"What does this mean? Call her!"

You follow Phil's instruction and call her, and after three calls she answers.

"Hey, what's up?" She says casually.

"Are you okay?" You say in a panic.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You just sent me a text saying you won't bother me anymore, why would you do that?"

"Because I'm leaving."

"Leaving?!" You turn to look at Phil. "Phil's she's leaving."

"What!" Phil says in shock.

"Where are you going?" You feel like pleading with her to stay so badly.

"Back up north. I am going to tell my parents I'll go back to university and get a degree so that they'll let me stay." She sounds so neutral, like a robot.

"Please let me come over to see you one last time."

"But Dan, I'm packing right now."

"Please…wait one more day."

She hesitates and the tension kills you with every second.

"Okay."

"Thank you. I'm coming round now!"

You hang up the phone and give Phil a hug before you run down stairs and out the door.

Your point of view

You sit on your bed packing your suitcases, humming along to your favourite P!ATD song, while you wait for Dan to arrive. You weren't sure if Phil was coming too but you hoped so. As you folded your clothes, memories of the past two years ran through your mind. You sent texts to some friends saying goodbye, trying to explain that you understood it was a quick decision but you had to leave. You stood up and walked to the kitchen and put on the kettle, and set out some mugs to make you, Dan and maybe Phil some tea. It made you feel happy that they wanted to say goodbye, you felt that you mattered. But you pushed those thoughts away. You had to go.

Someone knocked at the door, you walked over, took a deep breath, and answered.

As you opened the door Dan burst through it, grabbing you into a strong embrace. You stumble backwards and hold him tightly.

"Please…please." His voice is low and tired, he's begging you.

"Dan. I…"

"No. Just hear me out. Let me try to stop you." He interrupts you.

You nod your head while its resting on his chest. "Okay."

You let go of each other and close the door, you check for Phil out in the corridor but he hadn't come, and walk over to the sofa. You sit down next to each other. Dan's hands hold yours as he stares into your eyes.

"Please. Don't leave because of us."

"Dan it's not because of what happened between us. I've wanted to go for ages. I have no life here, I have no one. Just a dead end job and a handful of friends. My family hate me…they…they don't even want me around for…for Christmas." As you spoke about your lack of support from your family tears begin to stream from your eyes.

Dan is shocked at your sadness. He lets go of your hands and wipes away your tears softly.

You weren't crying properly, you weren't whining or sobbing, tears were just falling from your eyes. Your face was blank of emotion and you just felt empty.

"Stay with Phil and I, for Christmas."

"I couldn't do that Dan."

"Yes you can. Fuck your family what do they know. If they can hate someone as perfect as you then they aren't worth even the slightest bit of effort." His words do cheer you up, quite a lot actually.

"I thought you and Phil went home to your families for Christmas."

You see your words make their way through his mind. He processes his thoughts. "I'll say I can't make it, and if Phil wants to do the same he can. But if not that's okay I couldn't just expect him to do that."

"No Dan. That's too far. You haven't known me for long, you can't just let down your parents like that."

"They won't mind. Just this once, I swear." He looks at you with his deep brown eyes, his words tempt you so much, your so close to caving in.

Suddenly there is another knock at the door. You and Dan jump in shock.

You stand up and walk to your door, with Dan following you. When you open it Phil is stood there.

"Phil!"

"Please don't go." He walks into your flat and closes the door behind him.

When inside he turns to you and hugs you, he lifts you up into the air slightly.

"I won't let you go." He adds.

"I didn't know you wanted to come Phil, sorry I didn't wait." Dan says apologetically.

"It's okay Dan, you were in the heat of the moment."

Phil places you back down on the floor.

"Thanks for doing this guys…no one has ever made me feel so loved before. I mean that. All my friends are like Marcus, bigmouth idiots. But you two are so different. You make me feel like I have real friends for once in my life."

Dan and Phil look at each other and smile, they then both hold you tightly in the best group hug you had ever been a part of.

"Phil?" Dan says.

"Yes?"

"Y/n is staying for Christmas."

"That's great! Although someone will have to learn how to cook because I know I can't."

The room is filled with the laughter of the three of you and you couldn't have imagined it in a better way. But now you felt as if Dan and Phil weren't potential partners, they were actually your friends. You were in the friend zone…oh shit.


	9. Chapter 9

_If anyone has any suggestions for events you'd like to happen or places you'd like them to go please leave a review. Also please leave reviews on how the story is going so far, I'd like to know how I could improve my writing and if I'm being too tacky or if there are any ways I could make the experience more enjoyable. Thanks._

Your point of view

The end of November was nearing and December headed your way. With the Christmas season on the horizon you had decided to spend a week back up north in order to buy Dan and Phil some special Christmas presents that came close from home. You had arranged to stay with your old best friend for the week, which was a better alternative to your parents house. And as you got off the train with your suitcase and walk along the streets towards Dan and Phil's apartment you felt uneasy at the idea you weren't going to see them for that period of time. They already knew that you were going and had invited you around to hangout before you left. As you stood outside their door and knocked, waiting for an answer, you pondered about what it would be like to spend Christmas with Dan and Phil, and how much your life had changed since meeting them. Then the door opened slowly and Phil stood at the door with his finger over his mouth as he shushed you to silence, then in a quiet voice he said, "Dan didn't hear you knock, lets surprise him."

You nodded and Phil held your wrist as he guided you upstairs, leaving your suitcase in the entrance, and snook you past the living room in which Dan sat. Eventually you ended up hiding by the side of Dan's bed that was further away from the door. Crouched and waiting, you and Phil smirked while trying to remain silent. After a few minutes nothing had happened so you and Phil began a quiet conversation.

"I'm so excited to see you when you get back." Phil began the conversation.

"Thanks Phil. I have a lot of ideas in mind for what I'm going to get you both, but if you have any idea what you would like please let me know incase…" You were cut off by Phil shushing you and placing his forefinger on your lips.

"I think Dan can hear us." He said as he slowly drew his hand away from your face.

Those feelings began again. The way Phil made you feel was unbearable and all he made you want to do was make him feel the same way back. You suppressed your desires and nodded at Phil, trying to hide your blushing face, acknowledging that you had to remain in a temporary state of awkward silence.

Unexpectedly, Phil placed his hand on your back and pulled you closer to him. You became slightly flushed as your bodies pressed closely together. You realised he was pulling you in for a hug and you return the embrace.

Phil whispered into your ear "I'm going to miss you. I know you've only been in my life a short time but now I can't imagine it without you. I want us to be close, closer than I am with most people."

"Phil that's so…"

"Let me finish, please. I care about you a lot and I can see you struggle with yourself, somehow you always look like you are angry with yourself. I don't know if that's true but if you ever feel as if you need someone I am here."

"Phil that was so lovely. I can't thank you enough."

Phil pulls you in for another hug and squeezes you tightly making you squeal, evidently causing him to laugh uncontrollably and then fall on top of you with a big bang onto the floor. The next thing you knew Dan and rushed into his room with a bewildered and shocked look on his face shouting beforehand checking to see whether it was an intruder or if Phil had had an accident. But the only response he received was laughter.

Dan's point of view

Entering your room to the sound of Phil and y/n's laughter shook you for a moment. The surprise that she had arrived hit you first but then you wanted to know what the noise was.

"What happened here guys?"

They turn and look to you in shock.

"Surprise…" Phil answers back to you.

You join the the laughter, it definitely was a surprise. You walk over to the other side of the room where Phil lays over y/n while they laugh. Only now can you see how they are positioned together. Jealousy. Oh no.

"Hey Phil get off of the lady, be a gentleman." You say it as a joke, but it reality you are pretty serious.

As Phil edges away from her and lays on the floor you turn to y/n and hold out your hand, she reaches out and takes it as you help her up. You use too much strength and pull her too close to you, almost clashing. She stumbles a bit but balances herself with the help of you, of course. Your mission was to be a gentleman, make it so she fell for you rather than anyone else.

The laughter calmed down and the three of you make your way to the living room where you sit and watch t.v and talk endlessly about everything and nothing all at once.

Phil's point of view

Sitting in the living room, you Dan and y/n rambled on for about an hour asking questions about each other, till one came to mind that you wanted to ask.

"Y/n, why did you come to London?"

As you asked her the question her face dropped from happy to blank.

"Well, Phil, I came down to London two years ago. I wanted to entertain people. I started out with some money I had saved from working through college and began renting my apartment out. Everyday I went out to the streets, looked out for events in particular, and tried to draw attention by… This is so embarrassing… By playing the guitar and singing." Shame grew across her face, you weren't sure why. The idea she was talented impressed you if anything.

"Don't be embarrassed." You comfort her

"Yeah, y/n. You have nothing to be ashamed of." Dan adds.

"That's not the problem though. I'm embarrassed because I can't actually sing. I thought I could and deluded myself into believing I could become something I'm not. That's why my parents are disappointed in me. They warned me and I ignored them and they are ashamed and so am I. After weeks of being laughed at I caught on and realised I was a joke. I found a job at that bar I work in and you know the rest really, expect two years of nothing in between."

You were shocked and embarrassed yourself for bringing up the topic.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"You were going to learn one day, might as well have been now." She responds. You like that about her, even though she can seem a bit dark sometimes she has a bright side, and it's a pretty growing side off her. She's been a lot happier in the few weeks were you, her and Dan have been hanging out, somehow she is slightly a changed person. Deep down you hope it isn't an act and that she knows how good of a person she is.


	10. Chapter 10

_Please excuse the next few chapter as your character will be away from Dan and Phil but I promise it builds a better back story for her. Thank you!_

Your point of view

After the day at Dan and Phil's, you went to the train station and sat with your suitcase next to you. You texted your friends from home letting them know you were coming back and messaged your best friend, Anastasia, letting her know you were about to get the train. It was going to be a long journey so you planned to sleep on the train. As it pulled up to the station you dragged your case onto the train and found a seat in an isolated part of the carriage. You put your case under your seat and stuck your earphones in your ears and played some music. A few seconds later, after you'd made yourself comfortable, a guy walked over to you.

"Hey, is anyone sitting here." He ask, gesturing to the seat in front of you.

You looked around the mostly empty train, puzzled at why he wanted to sit near you. But, then you nodded and said, "Oh, no one is. Go ahead."

The guy was mousey blond with slightly tanned skin, His eyes were a piercing grey. He dressed quite formally considering he was on a train, in a white shirt and black trousers and a red tie that hung loosely round his neck. He sat on the chair in front of you and looked through his bag for a bit while the train began moving.

As the train left the station he began to talk to you.

"So, where you heading?"

You pulled out your earphones as to not be rude, despite how odd it was that someone in London would randomly begin a conversation.

"Well, I'm going back home to Liverpool." You thought of how to be polite and respond so you ask him the same question back. "What about you?"

He smiled slightly, "I'm on my way to Birmingham. I have a business deal to sort out."

"Oh, who do you work for?"

He laughed slightly, humoured by you for some reason. "Well, I own a small business."

"That's amazing. Your family must be proud. What is it called?"

He shifted a bit in his seat and scratched his head. "I'd rather not say."

You were shocked by his odd answer but before you could ask further questions he changed the subject.

"So what about you, what do you do?"

You looked down at the floor slightly. "Well I work in an erm … a bar in London. But I do some other stuff too."

"It must be great working in a bar in London, the night life there is great".

You were shocked at the fact he wasn't dismissal of you which made you smile. He seemed like an okay guy.

"I didn't catch your name, what was it?" You ask him.

"Oh, I'm Nathan. What about you?"

"I'm y/n."

He pauses for a moment, then asks, "y/n, can I get your phone number?"

You blushed, he was flirting with you and you hadn't even noticed. Quickly deciding whether or not this was a good idea lead to the decision that maybe you should take a chance.

"Yeah, sure."

You handed him your phone as he entered your number onto his phone and entered his number into yours. Then, he passed you back your phone with a smile on his face.

"I'll text you. Maybe we could meet up sometime" he adds.

"Sure, I'd like that."

For the rest of the journey, until Nathan got off, you two spoke about each other and planned when you two might meet again. He mentioned something about a big event he had with work and that you might like to come along. But you doubted this would ever happen. After he had gotten off the train you put your earphones back in and listened to your music until you fell asleep for the remainder of the ride.

You began to awaken as the train came close to Merseyside, and decided to not fall back asleep again in case you missed your stop. Checking your phone you had a couple texts from Anastasia saying she would be waiting for you at the train station. You also had ones off of Dan and Phil wishing you a safe journey. Then you noticed Nathan had texted you saying, 'hey, this is Nathan. Hope to see you soon.' Your heart fluttered a bit, maybe you liked him. Staring out the window, you gazed at the countryside that was outlined with a skyline of industrial estates. You saw the sleeping livestock huddled together in the fields and watched as the empty hills rolled by. Passing by a small valley, you noticed a large willow tree, looming over a dark lake. Reeds and wild grass defined the edges of the water. The silvery moon reflected off of the lake, casting a trail of light through the slight movement that gave the valley its eye catching scene. As the valley is left behind your eyes focus on other parts of the countryside. Gradually as you neared into Liverpool you acknowledged familiar sights until the train finally stopped at lime street station.

Getting off the train, wheeling your suitcase behind you, Anastasia was waiting for you. She was easily recognisable through the crowd due to her bright purple hair.

As she recognises you too she runs over and the pair of you hug intensely.

"I've missed you so much y/n!" she squeals as she lets go of you.

"It's been too long. Thanks for letting me stay at your place." You say and you both walk towards the exit of the station.

"Well if you hadn't run off to join the circus maybe we'd see each other more often." She made light of your experience and you laughed to just get through the week, you needed her after all.

You walked over to her car and as she unlocked it you placed your case into the boot. Then, you sat in the passenger seat and turned on the radio.

"Ahh, let's have something a bit more sentimental on hey?" Anastasia suggested as she turns on the AUX instead. She played some of your teenage favourites as she drove along the streets of Liverpool at 9pm.

After a journey that lasted about 30 minutes you had reached her house. It was a semi-detached townhouse that had two storied, but also had a skylight from the attic. It was too dark to see the fine details of the house so you collect you bag and follow Anastasia into the house.

"y/n, there's something I haven't told you." She mumbles as you stand at the bottom of the stairs.

"What's wrong?" you question.

Anastasia shuffles her feet, "well do you remember by boyfriend, Jake?"

"Yeah."

"Well he lives here now, with me."

"oh, that's nice." You say back. You had never liked Jake, he seemed like he used Anastasia, but their relationship was none of your business.

"Follow me up to your room." Anastasia leads you upstairs and then towards another set of stairs as she looks up towards the attic. "Here you are, I hope its cosy enough."

You look up aswell and look back to Anastasia, "Thanks, I really appreciate this." You start carrying your bag upstairs.

"If you need anything just ask."

"Will do, thanks again."

As you reach the top of the stairs you turn to see a double bed with plain white sheets and two white bedside tables with lamps on each. You set your case down next to your bed and get changed into pyjamas. Then you sit on your bed and get out your phone. You had a text from Dan that read 'Hi, hope your journey was okay. Miss you.' And you replied with 'Yeah it was okay thanks for asking. Missing you and Phil as well.' Then you read some messages off of Phil which read 'Hiya y/n, have a nice time in Liverpool. I can't wait for you to come back.' You replied to Phil with 'Thanks Phil! I'll be back soon.'

Then you decided to get an early night as you get under the covers and rested your head on the pillow.


	11. Chapter 11

Dan's Point of view

It was the day after y/n had left to go home and you lay on your bed staring at the ceiling. Today you and Phil were going into town to do some Christmas shopping, although you would have preferred to do it online.

After a while Phil peered into your room and said "Hey, Dan we should get going soon."

"Okay, let's go."

You both walk out the apartment and head into the city centre.

Your point of view

As the smell of breakfast enters the room you awaken. Sitting up slowly you look at your phone for the time and its 8am. You get out of bed and walk down stairs into the kitchen where Anastasia hands you some toast as she makes herself some cereal. You sit down at the table as you eat together.

"Hey y/n, you look really tired."

"Yeah I guess my journey was long yesterday. Hey where is Jake?" You answer nervously.

"Don't changed the subject. I mean you look exhausted. Have you been taking you medication?" she looked concerned and you knew she was right to be.

"Well…" you twiddle you fingers "…I have been taking my medication sometimes, when I felt I needed to."

Her face drops "God y/n, no wonder you look so ill!" she reaches her hand out to place on your shoulder but you flinch away. "…What happened to you?" she asked in a confused tone.

"Look I don't want to talk about it, I'm sorry but I have to go into the city centre to get my friends some presents. I'm going to get ready." You say as you stand up and leave your food untouched.

You head back upstairs and have a shower, then you get dressed into some leggings and a plain black t shirt. You pick up your purse and put a leather jacket on. Then you head downstairs to the front door and shout "Bye! I'll be back for later on tonight." As you leave the house you shut the door behind you.

Phil's point of view

Walking along Oxford Street you and Dan stroll in and out of various shops buying gifts for friends and family until you see in a shop window something that is perfect, something that is exactly what you want to get y/n. You look for Dan while he is slightly far behind and you nod in the direction of the store in order to tell him that's where you were heading.

Five minutes later you walk out the store holding a shopping bag, when you accidentally bump into Dan and you both laugh at each other.

"So, what did you buy Phil?" Dan asked.

"Just something for y/n, nothing special."

"Good." Said Dan quietly under his breath.

"Sorry, what was that again?" You ask nonchalantly.

"Oh, it doesn't matter." He replies. But you heard exactly what he said.

Your point of view

After a day in the centre of Liverpool, the sun had begun to set and you got a bus back towards Anastasia's house. You sat towards the back of the bus, which was mainly empty apart from a few teenagers, as you hold tightly onto some oversized bags. Your phone vibrated and when you checked it and Nathan had texted you saying, 'how's Liverpool?' You reply with a short and sweet 'it's been alright.' After a while he replies to you; for a short time both of you text each other until you get off the bus near to Anastasia's house. You dreaded facing her after this morning, but you had no other choice.

As you got off the bus you walked slowly down the street until you were stood outside her house. You could see the lights from the living room so you knew someone was in. Then, you walked down the path towards the front door and opened it, stepping into the house you heard the t.v. was on in the living room and you leaned through the door to see Jake sitting on the sofa.

"Hey." He said casually, barely taking his eyes away from the screen.

"hi." You reply.

Then you carry your bags upstairs and sit on the end of your bed with your face in your hands. Moments later Jake is at the door to your room.

"What happened this morning between you and Anna?" he asked you.

"Nothing…why?" you mumble back.

"Well she said that she needed to talk to your parents. She went to see them about two hours ago."

"HOLY SHIT, SHE DID WHAT!?" you shout back at him.

"Yeah, sucks to be you." He says mocking you as he walks back down stairs.

Sat on the end of your bed you are shell-shocked. With your mind beginning to fuzz into a blur you start moving. Instinctively you begin grabbing your things back into your bag and book a ticket online back to London for tonight. You drag your suitcase down the stairs and without saying a word to Jake you leave and head for the bus stop.

An hour later you are sat on the train, which is completely empty, twiddling your fingers with anxiety. Your phone is vibrating constantly with texts from Anastasia and your parents but you ignore them. The complete betrayal that you feel sickens you to your stomach and you weren't ready to face what intervention they had planned for you.

Phil's point of view

After an uneventful day you and Dan sat on the sofa watching some movies while you both talked about video ideas. Then after a while Dan went to do a younow for the phandom and you sat alone.

Getting your phone out you text y/n asking if she's doing okay and almost immediately you get a reply from her saying that she was coming back to London. She had only been gone two days when she was supposed to go for a while week. Worry began to fill your mind, you quickly text her back asking why and if she wanted you to go and get her but she said she'd tell you when she got back and that she was already on a train home. You call her phone and get an answer.

"Hey Phil." She answers.

"Hey are you okay!"

"Yeah don't worry about me. I swear everything's okay. Just… fell out with my friend." She says hesitantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll be okay with her soon." You reply sympathetically.

"Nah, I don't think so."

"…Oh, right. Well how long do you think you'll take to get home?" changing the subject seemed like the only way to keep talking.

"ermm… a few more hours. Probably get home about 1am."

"Should I come to meet you so you're not alone so late at night?" you hope that she'll let you.

"Phil. That's so kind of you. But honestly I'll be fine."

"Please."

"Okay, if you're sure."

A smile spreads across your face and you arrange a station at the outskirts of London to meet her at.

"Thank you Phil." She says sincerely.

"I'd do… anything for you." You hope you don't sound too cringey but it's too late for that now.

"Aww phil! Haha." Her laugh makes you laugh too and within a few more minutes you both hang up and you walk into Dan's room forgetting he was mid younow.

"Hey Dan, I'm going to meet y/n."

"Oh okay Phil. Wait why? Is she coming back early?" Dan replies.

Then after a few seconds comments roll in asking who y/n is and if Phil was dating her. The ship war began between people who shipped her with dan and people who shipped her with you, despite none of them ever seeing her before.

"Yeah. Something happened and she need to come home."

"Oh should I come too?" Dan asks as he turns and reads the comments. "Oh haha guys she's just a friend." Dan says to the camera.

"Wait what? Oh you're still doing a younow. I forgot about that." Your skin begins to blush slightly at the thought of the phandom overreacting already.

"Does she need help?" Dan asks worriedly. He seems as if he's prepared to abandon his audience to help her but you know that would cause a riot.

"No…no she'll be okay with just me." You stutter.

Comments saying 'ooo jealous Phil' or 'Phil's trying to keep her to himself' began, leading Dan to start laughing.

"Yeah he's keeping her locked away from me." He says to the camera sarcastically.

"What are they saying Dan?" You question.

"Oh nothing they're just joking about. They want to know who y/n is." He answers.

"Well, I'm going to meet her now. Have a good night everyone." You wave to the camera.

You go to your bedroom and get your jacket, then you head downstairs and exit the flat onto the streets of London.


	12. Chapter 12

Your point of view

A few hours had passed and you sat on a bench waiting for Phil at a station on the outskirts of London. It had been hours since you left Liverpool and as you checked your phone for the time it is coming up to 10pm. Twiddling your fingers and tapping your feet along to a street performer who plays a song you don't know is all that occupies your time while you wait. After some time the tall dark figure that is Phil emerges off of a train, you stand up and walk over to greet him. As you near him he notices you causing a smile of recognition to appear on his tired face.

"Hey!" You shout towards him.

"Hi y/n." He replies as he walks closer to you.

When you are close to each other you shuffle your feet in anticipation of a hug. Phil looks at you and wraps his arms around you, you return the embrace and let out a sigh of relief as you rest your head into his chest.

"Hard day huh?" Phil asks.

You just nod your head into his chest in reply.

"C'mon then." Phils says cheerfully as he lets go of you and you step back from him. "Let's head back to my place."

Both of you head to the platform that faces the direction of Dan and Phil's apartment and wait there for your train to arrive. The station walls were white but the low lighting made the empty area seem eerily desolate, somehow giving you a feeling of anxiety and foreshadowed danger. But you knew this was only your mind getting to you as usual. As you and Phil stand next to each other with your bodies leant against the walls of the station, the confrontation you had with Anastasia itched at you. To ignore the urge you had to burst out in emotion, although you didn't know whether or not this was anger or sadness or just general irritation, you leant your head against Phil who looked down at you with sympathetic tranquil blue eyes.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" He asked you calmly as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

"I don't know how to explain it to you Phil." You replied apprehensively.

"You can talk to me about anything you know?" Phil's voice echoed rhythmically through the station's tunnel.

For a moment or two you stood there anxiously. Then replied by saying, "Thanks Phil."

Then until your train arrived nothing but silence filled the air.

Phil's point of view.

Once you and y/n had found seats on the train next to one another you thought about how tired and drained she looked. The argument she had with her friend must have been bad. Her pale skin seemed almost grey, the sockets of her eyes were dark and sunken in, she seemed ill. The concern that you felt for her raised every time you noticed a new detail of how unhealthy she seemed. And after a rather silent journey, apart from a few comments about the state of the train, you and y/n headed out of the underground and back towards the apartment. As your feet tread onto dead leaves and you pull y/n's case behind you she walked morbidly down the street with you.

"Y/n?"

"hmm? Yeah Phil?" She says slowly as she lifts her head.

"Are you…okay?"

She looks you directly in your eyes and you notice how unbelievably green they are. Then she replies "I guess I'm a bit tired. But I'm fine."

"Really? Please tell me the truth."

As those words leave your mouth she stops walking and looks at you. Her eyes glaze over slightly and she sits on the curb of the pavement staring across the street. You walk over and sit by her on the damp ground and stare up into the dark sky. Tonight the stars aren't visible due to the city's immense light pollution and you feel slightly worried about what you're about to hear.

"Look, Phil. I had a really bad argument with my old best friend. It was about something personal. She's hurt me I guess, maybe. What I'm trying to say is, I don't know if she did the right thing."

"If there's something wrong…I will help you." As you speak you lift your hand to comfort her but she shuffles away from your affection.

"I think I've said too much. Can we go back to your place now?" She says with blank eyes.

"Sure."

As you get ready to stand up and continue waking y/n says, "Phil, wait. Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course anything."

"Do you ever feel like…I don't know…that life isn't worth…actually never mind." Her voice trails off as she stand up next to you and she links your arm.

The question she was going to ask lingers in your mind. You know exactly what she was going to say. As you drag her case and hold her arm in yours the thought of being back at the apartment filled you with optimism. Maybe all she needed was a bit of support and some laughter to make her feel better.

Dan's point of view.

It had been ages since Phil had gone to get y/n. You'd finished the younow and you lay infront of the t.v. with a horror film playing as your body spread across the couch comfortably. The living room was completely dark apart from the screen that emitted the horror film, even though that it's self was dark too, giving a scary atmosphere to the air.

You jump at the sound of the front door opening downstairs followed by Phil shouting up. "Dan! We're back."

"Great!" You say in reply as you stand up and walk over to the stairs and wait for them to walk up. As Phil comes into sight first you see him followed closely by a tired looking y/n who is dressed in slightly wet looking black clothes. "Hey, is it raining outside?"

"A bit, but barely" Phil replies as he takes of his jacket and heads towards his room.

"Hi Dan." y/n says.

As you look at her face she seems completely drained, causing a look of slight shock to spread across your face.

"Do you need to lie down?" You ask instinctively.

She looks at you with a puzzled face that quickly comes to some sort of realisation. "Oh, erm…no not yet. Could I have a quick shower though?"

"Sure. I'll just go get your case." You say as you walk past her. When you brush past her you look directly at each other and you are reminded of how pretty she is, although her seemingly ill face removes some of the beauty she has.

Once you'd brought up her case from downstairs into the guest bedroom you stand in the doorway of the guest bedroom leaning against the door frame watching as y/n sat on the edge of the newly made bed.

"I hope this is okay for you for tonight." You say.

"Its great thanks Dan." She replies, "Could I have a pain killer, like a paracetamol or something?"

"Oh sure. Are you okay? Do you have a headache?"

"Oh, yeah. I have a bit of a head ache." She says as she lowers her head slightly.

You nod back at her and head to the kitchen to get her a glass of water and a paracetamol, when you return upstairs she takes the pain killer straight away and relief spreads across her face.

"Do you want that shower now?"

"Yes please, thanks Dan."

"I'll go and get you a towel."

As you turn out of the room and head towards the bathroom to look for a towel you see Phil hovering in the hallway, as if he's waiting for you.

"You okay Phil?"

"I think she's ill." Phil says in a low quiet voice.

"Yeah she has a headache. I just gave her a paracetamol."

Phil looks at you as if you don't understand him, but then just turns around and walks towards his room. So you head to the bathroom cupboard and fetch a towel for y/n then quickly head back up and give her it as she gathers some pyjamas to put on after her shower.

"Thanks Dan." She says appreciatively as you hand her the soft towel.

"It's alright. Take as long as you need."

Y/n's point of view.

As you step into the hot shower you throw water over your face and scrub away at your dry skin. The almost boiling temperature is painful at your skin but you ignore it and begin washing your hair and body until you feel sufficiently cleaned. Afterwards you just sit on the floor of the shower in a foetus position and cry. You have no reason to cry but it's kind of part of this routine that you have with showering. In your mind a shower is like an escape away from people for fifteen minutes where you can just pour out emotion and it won't be seen by anyone else. You're not sure how long you had been like this so you stood up and turned off the shower and dry your body with the soft towel Dan had given you. Then, you slip into the black silk pyjamas you had brought with you and step into some slippers.


	13. Chapter 13

Your point of view

Standing in the damp air filled bathroom you look into a mirror in order to make sure no one can tell that you'd been crying. Fortunately you look healthier than before so you wrap your hair in the towel and unlock the door and slip out onto the hallway. Heading back up to the guest bedroom you see the door is slightly ajar and as you walk into it Phil is sat on the end of your bed. He looks up at you and smiles.

"Sorry if you don't want to, but could we talk for a bit? Please." He says calmly.

"Sure, what about?" you reply as you sit next to him.

Phil sits for a few seconds, contemplating what he's about to say. Then he speaks, "I'm worried about you."

That simple sentence marked a new fear for you. You thought you'd hidden it so well but apparently not.

"What about Phil?" you try to say sincerely, as if you have no idea what he's talking about.

"Are you okay? On a serious level. You're not sick or anything like that?"

"Phil, I…" you gulp, "I'm fine. Everything's okay."

"I don't believe you." He says in a serious tone, which is unusual for the typically cheerful Phil.

"Well…I'm not sure what to say."

Phil turns to you and places his hands on your shoulders without warning and stares you deep in the eyes.

"I'm here for you. Tell me what has happened. I know it's serious so just tell me. You've nothing to be afraid of."

"Okay. I'll tell you. As long as you promise you won't tell anyone, not even Dan." You reply nervously.

The idea that you were about to tell Phil made your stomach turn and twist violently.

"I promise."

"Phil. I…I…I have depression." As you talk Phil's face drops, he looks at you with concern and holds his hands over your upper arms to comfort you. "Diagnosed a few months back. I take medication for it but it doesn't really help."

"But what has this got to do with your friend? And why do you look so ill?" Phil questions you slowly and patiently.

You look down at the bed and begin to feel extremely nervous. "The medication I take, well I don't take it. And my friend asked me about it and I just told her outright that I barely ever take it. She over-reacted and told my parents."

"Wait, you haven't been taking your medication?!" Phil's eyes widen at your honesty and you instantly regret telling him as his voice begins to raise.

"Phil please be quiet."

"Don't you know how dangerous that is?" He continues to panic and get worked up about what you're telling him.

You place your hand over his mouth and as you do he calms down instantly and looks into your eyes and you look into his light blue eyes. Both of you sit there in silence as you slowly draw your hand away from his mouth.

Then, both of you sit closely on the edge of the bed looking back and forth between each other's eyes and lips and your heart begins to race. He lifts his left hand and places it on your cheek and pulls you close to him, all the while staring into your eyes. The next thing you know your eyes are closed as you anticipate the inevitable. You feel the soft warmth of his lips as they press gently against your own; as this happened your heart fluttered and for the first time in a long time you felt genuinely happy.

After a few second Phil pulls back and when you open your eyes he is sat looking loving at you.

"I'm sorry." He says.

"What for?"

"Well, in case you didn't want to…kiss." He replies shyly.

You feel awkward because of what he said, because you really did want to kiss Phil; you wanted to kiss him again now.

"I did want…" But before you could finish speaking Dan walked through the doorway into the room.

"Hey, anyone want a hot chocolate?" Dan asks.

Both you and Phil burn bright red with embarrassment and shuffle slightly away from one another. You nod at Dan in response.

"Yeah, thanks Dan" Phil says.

"Okie dokie." Dan says as he turns back out the room and heads to the kitchen.

You face back to Phil who is still bright red and flash him a small smile. He looks back at you and awkwardly smiles back as he stands up and follows Dan to the kitchen, leaving you alone once more.

You lay back onto the bed just staring at the ceiling, thinking over the kiss you had with Phil. Until, after a few minutes, your phone vibrates from a text off of Nathan saying, 'Hey I'm back in London tomorrow. Want to go out for a meal? X' you replied back saying 'yeah, sounds great x'. For some reason you feel as if you shouldn't because of what had happened with Phil but you felt rude turning Nathan down.

"Y/n! Hot chocolate is ready!" You hear Dan shout from the kitchen.

You leave your phone underneath your pillow and head into the kitchen were Dan is stood drinking his mug of hot chocolate while leaning against the counter. Walking through the doorway you walk over to your mug and hold it in your hands for warmth.

"Thanks Dan." You say sweetly.

"It's alright." He replies.

As you take a sip of the warm, smooth drink Dan leans over to you and whispers into your ear "Y/n, I like you, a lot." His voice was warm and sensual.

The words he speaks make you feel ill. What were you suppose to do. In panic, you step away from him with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. You place your drink back down on the counter and walk swiftly towards the kitchen door but before you could leave Dan grabs your hand and turns you around, pushing you towards the wall. As your back leans against the wall his breath heats your neck while his hands hold your arms above your head.

"Dan what are you…" you try to speak but he cuts you off with a rough passionate kiss.

You begin to relax into his kiss, forgetting about Phil. Beginning to kiss him back lead him to let go of your hands and wrap his arms around you waist, picking you up as if you were weightless. Your arms wrap around his neck as he carries you upstairs to your room.


	14. Chapter 14

*WARNING – sexually explicit chapter.

Your point of view

As Dan carries you upstairs you see the light of Phil's laptop pour out from his room. The realisation of what you're doing hits you and you begin to struggle in an attempt to escape Dan's grip. He won't allow you to escape, his hands hold too tightly around you waist. You pull your mouth away from his to speak.

"Dan stop, please." You say as he pulls your face back to his.

When you enter your room he throws you onto the bed and locks the door behind him. You try to get up off the bed but he throws you a dominant glare that says stay right there. Shaking in fear you reach for your phone from underneath your pillow while Dan walks over to the computer and begins to play some music loudly in order to cover whatever sounds are about to occur. You fumble about trying to find Phil's number in your phone to call him but before you can Dan grabs you phone and throws it across the room. You look up to Dan's dark brown eyes as his eyes trail along your body. His fingertips trail along your skin and as you watch them reach your neck you see he is staring into your eyes.

"I don't want to." You quiver.

Dan's expression changes instantly into an angry temper.

"You're a fucking tease." He spits at you as he backs away.

"I'm sorry Dan, but I can't." You try to explain to him so he won't tell Phil. The last thing you want is them hating one another.

Dan storms out of the room leaving you to shake in terror at the thought of him returning. You're so glad he stopped when he did. After a while you get up off of the bed a slowly walk towards Phil's room. You knock lightly on the door and he opens up and lets you in. when you walk in you say nothing and just sit on the end of his bed.

Phil's point of view

When Y/n came into your room she was scarily quiet, and as she sat on the end of your bed you saw the fear and dejection that warped itself over her once pretty face.

"Are you alright y/n?" You question as you sit next to her.

"mmhmm." She chokes out as she nods, "Just need a hug."

And with that you wrap you caring arms around her cold body, ensuring she is safe in your arms. She relaxes as the tension in her muscles leaves when she's in your arms.

"Phil. I want you to know something." She says in a quiet voice.

"Yeah?"

She pauses for a moment, "You saved me. From so many things. You can never understand this completely." As she speaks she becomes weak and rests her body weight into yours.

After a while she pulls back from you and you stare into each other's eyes. She leans into you and you kiss her romantically and slowly. Your hands cup her face as hers wrap around your shoulders. Both of you lay back onto the bed and you climb on top of her and begin to kiss her neck. She lifts your t-shirt over your head and throws it over the edge of the bed. You feel slightly exposed but completely comfortable near her. Then, you begin to unbutton her black silk pyjama shirt revealing her chest and black lace bra. Continuing to unbutton reveals her torso fully and you place her shirt off the bed. With your legs straddled over her body, she pulls you in closer and you kiss her. The tingling feeling you get when kissing her is sensational, unbelievable; it's like nothing you've ever felt before. Her hand reaches down towards your crotch and she puts it into your boxers. The pleasure you feel from her touch is scandalous. With moans escaping your lips you pull down her silk shorts and put your hand over her black lace knickers and begin to cautiously please her. Her back arched as she let out a moan due to the pleasure she felt.

Dan's point of view.

Laying on your bed you hear y/n walk into Phil's room, regret fills you as you realise how inappropriately you had acted. Within minutes of her entering Phil's room you hear moans coming from his room and you knew exactly what was going on. Fury and jealously consumed you. She didn't want to be with you despite the weeks of attempts. You didn't even think for a second she would like Phil romantically. The jealousy you felt caused you to grab your camera and slowly creep onto the hallway were you stood as you slid the camera through the door of Phil's room and placed it upon a pile of laundry. It has been set to record and you left it there while you went back to your room.

Your point of view

The sensations you felt from Phil while he motioned in and out of you while you were both completely naked on his bed were the best you'd ever had before. He was the first loving partner you'd ever had and he seemed to have a surprising amount of experience. After what seemed like a life time of pleasure you felt a pressure overcome your body as you screamed his name in gratification. Shortly after he stopped and pulled out of you, then he lay beside your hot sweating body as you wrapped your arms around his torso.

"That was amazing." You pant each word with every breath you take.

"It was unbelievable." Phil says shyly.

Once you'd both cooled down, Phil pulled the blanket over both of you and you lay there until you fell asleep in his arms.


	15. Chapter 15

Phil's point of view

As dawn arrived you lay in bed watching y/n as she slept in your bed, wrapped in your sheets, laying in your arms. For most of the night you hadn't slept, but instead you watched her as she dreamt. You wondered what she had been thinking about as every so often she would twitch or shake slightly, giving you the feeling that maybe she didn't feel safe in your arms. The thoughts you had about what had happened between her and you replayed through your mind like a fantasy, it was so perfect, but you did have concerns about the fact protection wasn't used. This only triggered thoughts about a future together, maybe a family, you tried to not get so carried away with these feelings though because this was only the beginning and you would rather make the most of now instead of living for the future. Around 8am y/n began to stir and wake, so you slowly got out of bed and left her to arise peacefully as you went to get a shower to begin the day.

Dan's point of view

Awoken by the sound of Phil leaving his room, you decide to quickly grab your camera. Once you'd gotten it you realised you had absolutely no idea why you filmed them. You felt creepy and weird at the thought of watching it, so you hid the camera under your bed in hopes you'd never have to look at it again. In an attempt to face the fact that y/n had chosen Phil, you spend the morning scrolling through tumblr and after a while you hear Phil return to his room. You began scrolling through break up and relationship tags, periodically reblogging things, which must have confused a lot of your followers.

Your point of view

The feeling of your hair being stroked gently by Phil woke you, and as you looked up towards him he gave a gentle smile.

"Morning." He said with sweet simplicity.

"Good morning." You replied as you rested your head on his lap.

"Are you hungry?"

"hmm, not really."

He continued to brush his fingers through your hair as you began to wake up properly, which comforted you greatly. Most mornings you woke up to the sound of road works, or more commonly you didn't wake until the afternoon due to your late shifts at work. Being woken up today, by Phil, felt similar to waking up on holiday, with no worries or stress, just the feeling of pure relaxation. Until you remembered Dan. You began to panic at the thought of him resenting you for rejecting him. Moving yourself away from Phil and off his bed you tell him that you're just having a quick shower as you head upstairs to your room and grab some clothes, then you head downstairs and have a quick shower. You get dressed into a grey camisole and some black jeans, then tie your hair into a ponytail. You remember you had planned to meet with Nathan today, so you put on a bit of makeup. Then, you head back upstairs and sit on your bed and listen to some music for a while, until there's a knock at your door.

"Hello?" You puzzle.

"It's Dan, can I come in please?" his voice sounds nervous and you begin to feel skittish yourself.

"errmm… sure."

He opens the door slowly and enters your room with an apologetic look to his face. He closes your door behind him and stands in the middle of the floor as he looks down towards his feet.

"I'm so sorry." As he speaks he lifts his head and stares you in the eyes. "I acted like a complete twat. Oh god I can't even believe what I did and I can't apologise enough." His eyes well up a bit as he stutters out his words.

"Dan, it's fine honestly. I'm sorry too, I should have stopped you earlier. You're right about me, I'm a tease. In all honesty you've dodged a bullet. Neither you or Phil should get wrapped up with me, I'm a mess."

Dan's face is confused and stunned as he shakes his head at you slightly. "I don't understand. I nearly…nearly did something awful, and you're telling me that. Don't you see how breath-taking you are? I mean you cannot genuinely believe that I've dodged a bullet."

"Please, Dan, could we just forget any of this ever happened?"

His face is at ease now after his previously stressful expression, and you're glad to have cut the tension between Dan and you for a while.

He nods at you and gratefully says, "Yes, thank you so much."

Then, after a few seconds he leaves your room and closes the door behind him, leaving you to contemplate what on earth was happened to you and your unorthodox life. After a while you pack your bag and head downstairs into the living room where Phil is sat watching some tv. As you walk through the doorway he turns and looks at you with a glowing smile. You take a seat next to him and lean your head on his shoulder.

"I was thinking we could go somewhere today, just you and me." Phil expresses cheerfully.

"Oh, I'm sorry Phil. I'm busy today."

Phil doesn't reply to you but instead places his arm around you and kisses your cheek gently.

"Actually I should probably begin heading home soon."

The grip he has on you slackens a bit with every word you speak, you didn't want to be so unresponsive but you couldn't help it. Neither of you should or could get feelings for each other, nor that was something you wanted to ensure but you had to anyway.

"Don't you want to stay a little longer? You could at least have breakfast." At this point he's practically begging you but that just pushes you away even more.

"No it's alright, I'll come round again soon though."

Phil looks down to you and you lift your head up to look at him. He leans in and kisses your lips slowly, making you wonder if he thinks you and him are together, which you hope he doesn't.

After a few seconds you pull back and kiss his cheek, then you whisper into his ear, "Thank you."

You stand up and walk to your room and pick up your bag, when you leave the room Phil is stood waiting for you as he shouts to Dan that you're leaving. A few seconds later Dan has emerged from his room as he walks over and takes your bag from you.

"It's been great having you over, I hope you're okay now. I'll carry this down for you if you like." Dan says.

"Thanks that would be great. You two have made me feel so much better, thank you." As you say this you look to Phil who nods in recognition of what you mean by making you feel better. In terms of what will happen now that he knows about your condition the uncertainty kills you a little. "Could I just go the toilet before I go?"

"Of course." Dan replies.

You hand Phil your phone and purse as you head to the toilet.


	16. Chapter 16

Phil's point of view

As y/n hands you her belongings and heads to the bathroom, her phone screen lights up and you see fifty missed messages from someone called Anastasia. Majority of which read something along the lines of 'please take your medication you could die if you don't' or 'Don't do this to me and your parent please think about it!' . This left you puzzled, she couldn't die directly from not taking her medication right? Only if she did something stupid. You quickly found Anastasia's number and added it to your phone. You then noticed a message off of a guy called Nathan saying 'are we still on for tonight? x'. This made you sick to the stomach, you felt embarrassed and jealous. You locked her phone and pretended nothing had happened when she returned from the bathroom. Y/n took her purse and phone as you and Dan walked her downstairs to the front door where Dan hugged her goodbye. You waited for a while as Dan went back upstairs and you spoke to her alone.

"Can we talk about last night?"

Her eyes widen slightly, "Sure, it was great Phil."

"But what I mean is, what does that make us?" You decide to head straight to the point.

"I…I don't know. I'm not sure that either of us are ready for something serious, right?" Her words cause devastation to spread through your veins.

"That's okay. Have a nice night tonight." You say, letting her be aware of the fact that you know she's going out with someone.

"Oh, err, thanks." Confusion is spread across her pale face.

You lean in, hug her closely and kiss her cheek gently.

"Bye Phil." She says as you part from one another's hold.

"See you soon."

You watch her as her silhouette disappears further down the street, as the sunlight halos around her figure.

Once you'd returned upstairs to your room, you sent a text to Anastasia saying, 'Hello, I'm y/n's friend. Is she okay without taking her depression medication?" Within a few minutes you get a reply saying, 'It's not her depression medication I'm worried about. How long have you known her, I gather she hasn't told you the whole truth." Your stomach dropped, thoughts raced through your mind about her and what she'd hidden from you. What could be wrong with her? You're still worried about the fact that protection wasn't used and the fact that she could be ill as well gave you great fear that if she got pregnant she wouldn't be able to survive. In panic you send y/n a text saying, 'We didn't use protection last night, do you think you could be pregnant?". You sit on the edge of your bed with anxiety causing your heart to beat furiously. After half an hour you still get no reply so you shout Dan to come to your room, you needed the advice of your best friend this time. Dan walks into your room and looks at you waiting for you to speak.

"Dan, I think there's something seriously wrong."

Dan walks over and sit next to you, "What do you mean?"

"I found out yesterday that Y/n has depression…"

Before you could carry on Dan interrupts you, "WHAT!? Oh god no…what have I done."

"She also doesn't take her medication." You continue.

"Why? And why didn't you tell me this earlier?" He looks livid with you, causing you to feel guilty.

"Look Dan, it gets worse. I texted her friend who she had stayed with asking if she was going to be okay not taking her medication. Her friend replied saying that it's not depression medication that she is worried about. There is something seriously wrong. What can I…I mean we do?"

Dan's face is shell shocked, he doesn't speak or even move. His mouth is gaping as he stares at the floor. You regret telling him now as you're unsure of what this has done to Dan. Beginning to think over the past couple of weeks you remembered that Dan liked Y/n, they had kissed in the kitchen and he had been so protective of her, he'd also asked her to be his girlfriend, then you remembered they'd kissed more than once. Shit you felt guilty. He'd even been hurt when Y/n's friend had suggested she'd been sleeping around. You cringed at how bad a friend you had been by sleeping with her when Dan had wanted her more openly than you, it must have been embarrassing for him to be a part of this. It seemed so important to you to ask him about whether or not she could be pregnant but you just couldn't because if he didn't already know you had slept with her then telling him now would make things even worse.

"We need to find out what's wrong." Dan says after minutes of silence.

"Should we wait for her to tell us, when she's ready?"

"I don't know."

Your phone vibrates and as you check it you see a message from y/n which reads, 'don't worry Phil I'm not pregnant." You reply with, 'Are you sure, how do you know?", She texts back saying, 'trust me, I'm not.' Her cryptic message leaves your perplexed as to what to do next.

You can't bring yourself to text back to her friend asking for the truth because you're afraid of what might come of it and what you might regret uncovering.

Your point of view

The fear of telling Phil that you know you're not pregnant had caused you to have a small panic attack while lying in the bathtub at home, luckily for you, you had plenty of time to get ready for tonight as you'd taken a week off work for going to Liverpool and even though you'd come back you still wanted the time off. Forcing yourself to be motivated you got out the tub and turn the taps on to begin running a bath for yourself, you added bubble bath and bath salts with a lavender scent in an attempt to relax yourself. You realised that you weren't sure whether or not this was a date or if you and Nathan were going to be friends, so the confliction as to if you should look done up or casual began. This had been the first time in a while that you had been thinking about something simple rather than worrying about the inevitable, and you enjoyed being a normal woman for a while, it felt good to think about the endless possibilities of outfits you could wear instead of the endless possibilities that your world could end.

You dipped your toe into the water to test the heat, it was a little too hot but you didn't mind so you stepped in and sat down, feeling the burn on your skin you slightly enjoy that for once you could feel something. You scrubbed, exfoliated and cleansed your skin until you felt silky smooth. Then you relaxed for a while, letting the scent of the bath seep into your skin.

After what felt like an hour you step out of the bath and dry your body, then you moisturise your legs and arms and wrap your dressing gown around yourself. Stepping out into your open plan kitchen and living room, you make yourself a black coffee. You sip at it while sitting on your sofa as your stare out onto the streets of London. Contemplating the effects of not taking your medication, you begin to think about what is going to happen to you and how it will feel to not exist anymore. You begin to Ponder if anyone will miss you, and what your funeral will be like, what will happen once you're gone. The thoughts you drown in overwhelm you as you painfully walk over to your medicine cabinet and begin to search through labelled bottles and packets of pills. Then you find a bottle of pills labelled cyclophosphamide, you fondle with the bottle for a few seconds nervously. Taking a single pill you place it on your tongue and swallow it using water from the tap. After a few seconds you begin to cry in helplessness as you lean all your body weight over the sink as you shake violently in pain, then you lift your hand and stick two finger down your throat and throw up the contents of your stomach into the sink. As you look up into the bathroom mirror you see your gaunt face that has red irritated eyes. You no longer recognise yourself as empty eyes stare back at you. The idea that you used to think you were alone made you laugh because now you no longer even had yourself, and now you were truly alone.


	17. Chapter 17

Your point of view

After cleaning the sink, you leave the bathroom and finish drinking your coffee while searching through your boxes of clothes. Sometimes it scared you how quickly you could go from being in severe agony and mental strain to being completely normal again, you often questioned if the pain was real or if it was all in your head. You found a small grey dress with off the shoulder sleeves and some matching ankle boots. You got dressed and began curling your hair into large brushed out curls, then you added a small amount of makeup to finish. In hopes that Nathan would think you looked nice you had dressed to impress. You saw the necklace Dan had given you on your bed side table and put it on, it added attention to your décolletage and collar bones, and the beautiful blue gem glinted as it reflected even the dim light in your bedroom. It was an unbelievably striking necklace that must have cost a lot of money now that you had reflected upon it, which made you feel remorseful for rejecting Dan so harshly. As you played with the necklace between your fingers, you heard a knock at your door and instantly went to greet Nathan.

As you opened the door your face dropped in complete outrage and shock as instead of Nathan being stood at the door it was Anastasia along with your mum and dad. Before you could slam the door, Anastasia grabbed you by your arms and dragged you in as she called back to your parents to get inside quickly. As the door slammed behind you, you were practically thrown at your couch were your parents sat next to you while staring at you in shame. You looked down as the realisation as why they were here faced you.

"I guess you understand why we've had to travel down here to talk to you?" Your dad began speaking in his low, grumpy tone.

You nod in response as you throw a glare towards Anastasia who responded by shaking her head at you.

"Anastasia, your father and I have decided you need to come home." Your mother's voice was strong and scripted.

"No. I'm not a child anymore, you cannot force me to do anything." You say in return calmly, attempting to keep the peace.

Your parents exchange glares as they decide what to say next.

"Look, y/n, you postponed your treatment in fear of missing out on your youth due to the affects but this cannot go on any longer." Your mother continued.

"Why not?" You replied coldly.

The grip of your father's hands clenched your upper arms as he turned you to face him, "BECAUSE YOU WILL DIE YOU STUPID BITCH! DIDN'T I TEACH YOU ANYTHING?"

Horror spread across your face, you hated it when your father shouted at you; it terrified you to the core.

As your father let you go you stood up and shouted back, "THE SOONER THE BETTER!" and as these words left your mouth your mother gasped and squealed in anguish at your words while Anastasia walked towards you.

The sharp pain of her hand across your face throbbed in sync with the sound of knocking at the door. Your father stood up and answered, Nathan stood in a black suit with a bouquet of white roses.

"Who are you?" You father asked sternly.

Nathan made nervous eye contact with you as he was puzzled, he then replied, "I'm Y/n's date for tonight I guess."

"Oh why didn't you tell us?" Your mother said, completely changing the tone of the conversation in order to maintain her façade. She waved Nathan into your apartment, he complied and walked over to you as your Father gave him a death stare from behind his back.

"Well you didn't really give me a chance." You say in a quiet voice.

The laugh that your mother replied with in order to make it seem that you were joking was nasally and embarrassing.

"What's that mark on your cheek?" Nathan says directly to you.

Lifting your hand to the cheek that Anastasia slapped, you reply, "Oh, well we were having an argument and…"

"Well actually it wasn't like that was it?" Anastasia interrupted.

"What does that mean?" Nathan questions.

Your parents had backed off a bit and allowed Anastasia to erupt and exploit you in front of Nathan, they knew it would embarrass you into having treatment.

"Go on, tell him." Anastasia instructs you.

"How could you do this? I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND!" the anger you had stored inside you exploded at Anastasia as she stepped back to shield herself from your shout.

"She has cancer." Your Father says simply and calmly. His direct answer causes your mother to wail tears into her hands.

Anastasia looks at you with a raised eyebrow, implying the question 'what are you going to do now?', while Nathan is stood in devastation. He takes a few steps away from you as his jaw hangs open.

"Y/n, look, when I asked you out I didn't sign up to this. If you're ill, I can't cope with that. I'm sorry." Nathan drops the flowers onto your floor as he turns away from you and heads towards the door, leaving you behind to deal with your intervention.

"WELL FUCK YOU TOO NATHAN!" you scream at him.

At this point you are completely exhausted and done dealing with their interrogation. You turn away from them and head to your room, locking the door without saying a word.

Hours later the sound of your parents debating and blaming one another had settled as they'd fallen asleep on your sofa. You weren't sure if Anastasia was asleep, or even still in your apartment as she hadn't said much since you'd gone to your room. It amused you that they thought you couldn't hear them through the walls, everything they'd said about you made you shake with laughter as they spoke about you as if they understood you. But now that they were asleep you wanted to go outside and talk to someone. Phil wasn't an option, you'd lied to him or at least hidden the truth from him by only telling him about your depression, you wanted someone who you could just tell everything to straight away without explaining yourself. So you thought about maybe asking Dan, he could be understanding sometimes. The text you sent him read 'Hey Dan, don't tell Phil, but I could really use someone to talk to right now. Please, could we meet up?' within minutes you had a reply saying, 'Of course, where do you want to meet?'

It was only six o'clock at night so you could go anywhere, you texted him back saying 'how about regent's park?' a few minutes later he replies with 'sure I'll see you there in twenty minutes.'

You sneak out your room and exit your flat, as you walk down the corridor towards the stairs you feel inconsolable at the fact that Nathan couldn't handle your 'condition', this caused you to fear how Dan will react to this.


	18. Chapter 18

Your point of view

As you walked around Regent's park you headed to a gazebo where you had arranged to meet Dan. When it came into view you saw his silhouette standing in the centre, facing away from you. The sun had already set hours ago so the dark pathetic fallacy already set in place gave you anxiety, which you intentionally ignored in order to prevent a panic attack. Jesus Christ you hated yourself for being so weak and pathetic; a dark sky could give you a panic attack, how embarrassing.

As you neared the gazebo you shouted over to Dan, "Hey!"

He turned to see you and gave a quick salute styled wave.

Stepping up onto the gazebo, Dan walked over to you and hugged you closely, you don't give much of a hug back because the entire time you'd walked here you had been close to tears and you didn't need and emotional attachment to trigger another childish downpour.

"What's up?" Dan's calm, caring voice echoed through the almost entirely empty park.

"I don't know how to put this into words Dan."

He raises an eyebrow at your reply.

"Can we find somewhere to sit down?" You ask.

"Oh, sure."

Dan heads towards a bench located a few metres away where you both sit down fairly close together in an intimate fashion.

You look up at Dan, as your hands shake slightly with nerves, while he looks back at you with concern.

"Hey, it's okay. Whatever you need to say, just say it. I'm here for you." Dan says as he holds your hands in his.

The hold that he has on your hands is comforting and calms you slightly, although you are still completely terrified and hurt and confused.

"Dan…I don't even know where to begin." You admit.

He looks down to the ground for a moment, choosing a response carefully. Then he says, "Start at the beginning."

For a few moments you contemplate what you're about to say, thinking over the past, present and what could be.

"I'm about to tell you something…something very scary to me, just please promise it won't scare you away."

Dan begins to fumble, "I don't know if I can promise something like that."

Your stomach drops, now you didn't know if you could tell him.

"Look at me y/n." He says.

You realised you'd been staring into the distance for a while, so you turn to face him. He stares into your eyes, then he lets go of your hands and puts his arm over your shoulder, while his other one hold back onto your hands.

"Okay I'll tell you."

You get no response from Dan, just a nod which suggests he's ready to listen to you.

"But please, don't ask questions. Just wait till I've finished please."

Once more he nods, so you begin.

"I'm seriously ill." You pause for a moment and look to the ground. "I…I have cancer."

When you speak Dan's jaw drops and his grip on you tightens, but as requested he didn't ask questions. You could see from the corner of your eye he was upset but you blanked out your own emotions in order to continue.

"I refused to have full treatment, as in radiotherapy and operations. I've been put on some medications. And to answer a question I know you already want to ask, I refused treatment because I want to die. I told my family it was because I was afraid to miss out on my youth by being stuck in hospital, but in reality I've been ready to die for years. Over the past few months I have stopped taking my medication as well, because, as I said before, I want to die. I came down to London in hopes of pursuing a career before I died, but that in itself failed before it even began. When I went up to Liverpool my friend Anastasia asked me about my medication, I guess she'd noticed how I've been slowly changing. When I told her that I hadn't taken it she told my parents. That's why I came back early. Right now they're at my flat, they tried to take me back with them to change my mind but it won't work, I'm pretty sure now I'm too far gone for anything to save me anyway. I forgot to mention, I met this guy who was supposed to take me out; my dad told him about my…err condition. He left straight away. I guess that's it, you're all caught up."

As you look back up at Dan tears are falling down his face, while his eyes are tightly closed. He twitches every few seconds as he tries to gather his bearings on what you just said. Sat for what felt like an eternity, you begin to wipe tears off of his cheeks using your index finger. As you gently wipe them away he opens his blood shot eyes and blinks quickly for a few seconds, then he just stares at you with a look of complete devastation upon his face.

"I'm sorry Dan, I don't think I should have told you this." You admit in hindsight.

He shakes his head as he looks down and closes his eyes again. Then he looks back up to you and opens his mouth as if he's trying to say something, but no words come out. His hands remove themselves from around you as he reaches his hand to the necklace he bought you that's sat around your neck. He began to examine it as tears continue to stream from his eyes, but at a less rapid rate than before.

"W...ww…why aren't you c…crying?" He manages to stutter.

You shudder at his words, "I guess I have faced what is going to happen." You lie. In truth you're just, well you don't know how to describe it, but basically you're just a bit warped and void.

"Why did… why did you ask me here?"

Pausing to think, you remembered that you wanted to pour all your emotions out to Dan but now that you were here you felt as if you couldn't. The barrier you had built began to crumble, you closed your eyes and a tear fell from your left eye, it trailed down your face and hit Dan's hand that was still holding the pendant. You felt his breath near your face, then the soft pressure of his smooth, warm lips against your cold cheek. The peck he gave you caused you to feel more trust for him

"I wanted to tell you everything Dan. I'm sick and tired of pretending around you and Phil. At first I didn't tell you because I couldn't believe I was meeting you, I didn't want to scare you away with my sob story. But then things got too far, I became your…your friend I guess and now I'm in to deep." The realisation of what you were saying hit you, "Dan…I'm afraid."

Dan's hand lifted to your face as he began to stroke your cheek with his thumb while his hand cradled your face.

"I'm here for you. B…b…but I'm afraid too."

"Please don't leave me Dan, please!" you begged him.

There was a scarily eerie moment of silence as Dan began to quiver out his words, "I…I don't know if can watch you..."

"Die" You choked out to finish his sentence for him.

He looked at your directly into your eyes as he attempted to think through what he could do. Then you saw it, that same look your parents have, the 'how can I convince you to let me save you look'. You continued to stare at one another until Dan spoke.

"Do you remember the night we both got drunk?" He questioned. By now he had stopped crying but his eyes were still sore and red, while his face was damp from tears.

"Not very well, but yes."

"I told you something that I meant. And it hurts me that you don't remember it."

A puzzled expression is your only reply.

"I told you that I thought you were beautiful, and I meant it."

"What has that got to do with anything Dan?" You say as you become red from what he just said. You tried to not acknowledge what that meant for you and Dan, and whether or not that meant he was trying to 'save' you.

"I've had feelings for you ever since I met you. I've never encountered a girl like you. I know I've had a funny way of showing it but if you're going to…d…" he couldn't say it. He couldn't face that word. "I just want to know I want to be here for you."

You wrap your arms around him tightly, embracing him while listening to his rapid heartbeat. He holds you back while his fingers play with your hair.

After the most secure feeling you'd felt in what felt like forever, Dan spoke, "Why didn't you tell Phil, or does he already know?"

"I couldn't tell him, I'd already told him I had depression. Wait have I told you that?"

"No, you haven't, but Phil did."

"Oh…" You say feeling guilty. "Well, I feel as if I've lied to him by not telling him the whole truth to begin with."

"Oh no…no… Phil won't see it that way, I promise." He says quietly as he rests his face near to yours.

You snuggle into Dan's chest, feeling unbelievably comforted.

"Hey, erm… is this a bit inappropriate?" He says.

"Why?"

"Because, of you and Phil." He says in a blue tone.

"Ahh…well I don't know."

"You don't know what?"

"How I feel about him. I used to think I wanted him, but then I planned to go out on a date with some guy. I think its best if Phil avoids me, he'll dodge a bullet." You reply in a voice filled with self-hatred.

"What about me?" Dan says nervously. "How do you feel about me?"

You adjust your head and see he'd been staring at you with loving, and saudade eyes. The focus upon your eyes fine-tunes between darting back and forth between his eyes and lips. You can still feel his heart beat as your hands are placed on his chest, it's rapid and increasing. You are sat on your knees on the bench, facing Dan who is turned to you. His arms are wrapped around you waist and your faces are only inches away.


	19. Chapter 19

Your point of view

With Dan's warm breath heating your face in the cold park, you realise he is breathing deeply and so are you. His grip is tight on you while your faces are barely inches away.

"Dan…I…" You try to reply but you cannot think of anything to say, you weren't sure how you felt anymore. In panic you just stare at him and grip tightly onto his shirt to stop him from leaving.

"I can promise you this, you are not a bullet to be dodged and, given the chance, I would errm..." Dan expresses his feelings with a nervous voice and a fearful face. You can see he's thinking about whether or not he should continue to tell you his thoughts, and you really want him to tell you how he feels.

You pull him closer to you so your lips are just touching, his grip tightens around your waist. You see his pupils dilate as you both stare at each other. Quickly, you are pulled by Dan onto his lap where your legs wrap around his waist. The grip of his hands around your waist pulls your body closer to his as an almost euphoric feeling immerses itself over both your bodies. Dan looks at you as if he's begging you to let him kiss you, his eyes burn into you and you stare back at him with an even greater desire. As your eyes shut you feel his gentle lips touch yours, you could feel he was nervous and so were you. He began kissing you slowly and it felt like fireworks, so perfect and quintessential. His hand raised from your waist as he began stroking his fingers through your hair, this sent shivers down your spine. The kiss slowly became passionate as Dan's grip became on par with heaven, you could feel his heartfelt desire over you increase as he pulled you closer to him using his hand on the back of your head. It felt as if you had become inseparable. You lifted your arms slowly, placing them around his shoulders and neck. Dan slowly and hesitantly pulled his mouth away from yours, causing you to open your eyes, as he looked at you his hands wrapped around your waist once more and he lifted you as he stood up. Your legs stayed tightly around him.

"Dan, what are you doing?" You asked.

"Let's go somewhere. Just me and you." He responded.

"Like where?"

"Anywhere, somewhere warm." As he spoke he left small kisses along your collar bones while he held you in the middle of the dark, empty park.

You shake your head at him, "If you're trying to run away from reality, we can't."

Dan looks at you with a slightly horrified expression, "I…no, no that's not what I mean. I just want us to have a good time together."

"We can spend time together anywhere. You don't have to take me anywhere special, there's no point."

"Can I at least buy you a drink? I mean you are dressed like you're ready to go out."

As you look down at what you are wearing you remember how you had planned your night, you hadn't expected it would end like this.

"Sure, if you put me down."

Dan smiles bashfully at your answer as he slowly lets you down while your legs unwrap themselves from around him.

When you begin to walk to a bar with Dan your fingers brush against his accidently, making you blush. You became embarrassed at how much you were acting like a teenage girl with a crush. Then, Dan's fingers intertwine themselves with yours, you look down at them and then up to his eyes. He is looking at you, staring at you even. He realises what he's doing and awkwardly looks forward.

Phil's point of view

A while ago Dan had gone out somewhere unexpectedly and without explanation, leaving you to sit alone for a while. When you looked at your phone you remembered that text you'd received from Y/n's friend and how badly you wanted to know what was going on. Not wanting to uncover something you might regret held you back, but eventually you reached for your phone and called the number.

After a few seconds you receive an answer.

"Hello, who is this?" A woman's voice answers.

"I'm Phil, I texted you about Y/n."

"Oh yeah, I'm Anastasia. Thanks for waking me up." She replies in a grumpy voice.

"Nice to erm meet you I guess."

"Right…okay then, is there anything you'd like to know?"

You clear your throat as you prepare for the worst and hope you the best, "Why does she need medication?"

You hear her talk in a muffled voice to someone in the background, then she responds "She has cancer, hasn't she told you…" She continues to talk but you can't hear anything anymore except the beating of your heart and the throbbing pain you have in your head as you become trapped in a dark grey tunnel of thoughts and shock.

The distress you felt made you numb as you huddled into a ball on your bed and try to understand what Anastasia had said.

"Helloooo…are you still there?" She calls out.

"Ohh yeah, yes erm I'm sorry I don't know what to say." As you speak you begin to feel unbelievably emotional and tears fall down your cheeks.

"Typical Y/n, not telling you something like that. She is so unconceivably selfish. Im so sorry you had to find out this way. Would you like to come round here to her flat? I'm here with her parents but she's asleep in bed. Maybe if you're here she'll change her mind about treatment."

"Sure I'll come around…wait what about her treatment?"

"I'll tell you when you get here."

"Oh Okay…" But as you speak she hangs up.

As you grab your coat you text Dan saying, 'whatever you are doing isn't important anymore, come to Y/n's now she needs us.'

As you step out onto the streets and walk towards the underground small white tufts of snow begin to fall onto the ground around you.


	20. Chapter 20

Dan's point of view

As Y/n and you walk hand in hand through the streets of London looking for a bar your phone vibrates as you receive a text from Phil. When you read it you look at Y/n and she looks back at you.

"Phil's going to your flat."

Her eyes widen and her mouth hangs open in shock as both her hands raise up to cover her mouth, leaving your hand empty as snow begins to fall down around both of you.

"Shit shit shit shit shit…" She says repeatedly to herself.

"I got a text off of him, he wants me to go as well."

"No, Dan please. I cannot go back there. I know exactly what they're doing." As she speaks she leans onto your arm for reassurance.

"It's okay, you could come back to my place tonight if you like."

"Oh yes please Dan that would be great."

You put your arm around her and continue to walk down the street until you reach a pub, there you and Y/n go inside and order some drinks. It shocked you how considering that she had been uncomfortable with drinking when you were at the flat together that now she practically drank as if she was drinking juice. You sat in a booth, facing one another, on uncomfortable cushioned seats in this rather empty pub.

"Hey, slow down there." You said jokingly to her.

"Sorry, I just really need a drink."

Her answer made you feel slightly down as you realised how tired and alone she must have been feeling. You tried to imagine what it must have been like to be so ill and have to pretend everything was okay just because she wanted to impress you and Phil.

Phil's point of view

There was no reply to the text you'd sent to Dan which worried you a lot, he never blanked your messages.

Once you reached Y/n's flat you knocked at the door and waited for an answer. After what sounded like some mumbled discussions between a few people the door was answered by a tall girl with light brown hair wearing a blue shirt and grey jeans. She looked at you with tired eyes and invited you in.

"Hi, I'm Phil, we talked on the phone earlier." You introduced yourself politely to the girl as you walked into the flat and saw two middle-aged adults sat on the sofa who looked at you with unimpressed glares. "Hi…" you said to them awkwardly, "…I'm Phillip Lester." They seemed like the type of people you had to be formal with.

"Yeah I know who you are, and just in case you need informing I'm Anastasia." She said in a spiteful, disinterested voice.

"I'm Y/n's Father." One of the middle-aged people spoke in a deep, agitated tone.

The middle-aged female stood up and walked over to you, looking you up and down, taking particular interest in your clothes and hair. She then said "I'm her mother, it's a pleasure to meet you." She raised her hand and you shook it awkwardly. She then returned to sitting next to what is presumably her husband.

"Is Y/n here?" You asked nervously.

"She's in her room. We have been trying to tell her to come out but she isn't answering." Anastasia answered.

"In other words she is sulking." Her Father added.

You walked over to her door and knocked slightly, but received no answer.

"Y/n? It's Phil." You said in a comforting voice. "Anastasia told me about your…your ermm." You struggled to find the words to say it.

"I told him you had cancer." Anastasia finished for you in a testy voice.

You still got no reply.

"Are you sure she is in there?" You questioned them.

"Yeah she went in there before after her boyfriend left." Her mother explained.

"Her boyfriend?" You asked confused, you thought you and her were sort of something. Then it hit you, the guy who had texted her.

"Yeah some really cute blond." Anastasia teased. "But I don't think they're together anymore. He didn't know she was ill either and when he found out he wasn't happy."

You felt yourself turn red in shame.

"So, how do you know our daughter then?" Her father asked.

"Well, I met her at a bar." You answered honestly.

"Typical Y/n, she doesn't really have standards." Anastasia joked, and Y/n's parents laughed along.

They were laughing at you. They'd judged you from the moment you'd walked through the door.

You turned towards Y/n's bedroom door again and turned the handle and opened the door, leaning your head through you saw the room was dark and the bed was empty.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CANNOT JUST ENTER HER ROOM?!" Her mother squealed as she hurried over to you and slammed the door.

"I'm sorry, but she isn't even in there." You were fed up of the way they were acting, all you wanted to do was make sure she was okay and they were acting as if you were a pariah.

"What?" The three of them spoke in unison.

"She isn't in there."

After you spoke they all burst into her room and began panicking. While you walked out of the door and headed straight back to your flat.

Dan's point of view

After around an hour of drinking various cocktails and liquors, both you and Y/n were intoxicated. You walked down the street trying to find a cab but every time you looked at her all you couldn't help yourself but to think about her and you. As you past an alley temptation grew too much and you grabbed her by the hand and dragged her.

"Dan…what are…where are we…?" She mumbled.

You pushed her against a wall and her eyes widened.

"Dan…" She said once again.

Before she could continue you cupped her face in your hand and kissed her passionately and roughly, you were too drunk to have any coordination as your hands trialled all over her body. When you pulled back you looked at her as her eyes were closed and her lips were red.

"God…I want you so…so badly." You spoke in a slurred voice.

Her eyes opened slowly, "I want…you…" as she spoke that was all the confirmation you needed.

Leaning back in you picked her up and leant her against the brick wall and began kissing her again. She wrapped herself around you and kissed you back. Then she began sucking on your chest, leaving small marks all over your skin as you kissed her neck.

For a second she took her lips away from your skin, "Let's go to your house." She said quickly as she placed her lips back to your skin.

You gave her one final, deep and painful kiss as you put her down and practically dragged her into a cab and headed back to the flat.


	21. Chapter 21

Phil's point of view

It had taken you a long time to get back to your flat, partially because you had walked slowly in order to gather your thoughts but also because traffic was incredibly bad. Once you had gotten home you walked sluggishly up the stairs, as you reached the first floor you began to hear moaning and the creaking of a bed. You thought to yourself, 'Jesus Christ Dan, Y/n needed us tonight and you got lucky instead of helping.'

Quietly, you walked into your room, got changed into some pyjamas and crept into bed. Sat alone you began to once again contemplate what was going on. So far all you had gathered was that Y/n was ill and had concealed it from you and Dan, she also had a boyfriend who had now abandoned her after he found out about her condition but in all honesty you thought it would have been better that way instead of him finding out she had cheated on him with both you and Dan, and finally, she had no idea you knew all of this about her.

Deciding to find out where Y/n is, you picked up your phone and texted her saying, 'I hope you are okay, where are you?' but you received no answer, nothing all night.

Your point of view

A pounding headache woke you as you felt the naked touch of Dan's skin as he cuddled into you. Your eyes flickered open as the light of dawn hurt your sensitive vision despite how desperately you wanted to see so that you could evaluate your situation. Once you could see clearly, you became aware that you were laying down in Dan's bed, unable to move without waking him as your bodies intertwined, you were facing away from him and felt unbelievably hung over. Eventually you managed to carefully turn your head to see Dan's face, he was half asleep as well; he was watching you with an adoring smile which shocked you because you thought he had been completely asleep the whole time. Instantly you became aware of how naked you were and began to feel unbearably uncomfortable at the fact that the only thing that concealed you from prying eyes was a blanket.

"Good morning." Dan said in what may have been a perfectly peaceful tone, but what sounded and felt to you like a kick in the face due to the hangover you had.

"Ugh…kill…me…now." You said in a dull and flat voice.

"What's wrong?" Dan's reaction was immediate, he seemed to assume you regretted last night which could have been true also but you simply had not had time to decide that yet.

You raised you hand to your forehead and closed your eyes in pain, "I've never drank so much before in my entire life."

Realisation is expressed upon Dan's face, "Stay here, I'll go get you something." As he spoke he left the bed and pulled on some underwear while you averted you eyes. "I don't know what you are looking away for, you have already seen everything." Dan said in a teasing voice but you were not in the mood for his humour so you just pulled the cover over your head as you listened to him as he left the room.

A sensation of complete nausea overcame you, causing you to quickly fall out of Dan's bed and throw on some underwear. You ran out of his room, past the kitchen which Dan was about to walk out of, past the living room and downstairs to the toilette in which you threw up what felt like the entire contents of your stomach.

You heard Dan call after you, "Are you okay?" You didn't make an attempt at a reply as you knew it would cause further vomiting to occur.

"Who's running about at this time?" You hear Phil call out playfully.

No one responds to Phil, not even Dan, because you knew he wasn't going to be happy that you were here.

Phil's point of view.

Getting no answer made you feel slightly ignored, so as you walked out of your room towards the kitchen where Dan was stood looking nervous you spoke to him again, "Well, who is the lucky lady?"

You watched as his eyes shifted around the kitchen, he was holding a glass of water and a packet of paracetamol.

"She is, well she's actually…not very well right now. Maybe you should go back to your room so I can look after her?" Dan said half unconvinced of what he was saying himself.

You nodded back to Dan and turned out of the kitchen, then unexpectedly you hear the sound of the girl throwing up.

"Oh, she really isn't well is she? I'll go check on her." You say.

"I don't think that's a good idea." As Dan speaks his voice becomes quieter with every word, he knew you weren't listening.

Your point of view.

Once more you threw up, then again but followed by dry heaving and gagging. You heard a knock on the door and looked towards it. The door slowly creaked open as Phil's head emerged from around the door. His eyes widened in shock.

"Y/n, I didn't realise…wait did you and Dan…Oh." You saw that as Phil spoke he realised what had happened, he look so unbelievably hurt.

"Phil…" When you tried to speak you threw up into the toilette again.

Phil edged over to you and hesitated but then started rubbing circles with his hand onto your back as an attempt to comfort you, but you could feel how angry he was despite how he acted. You felt ashamed at yourself, because despite how you had treated Phil he still wanted to make sure you were okay.

"It's okay…" He spoke quietly "…you'll feel better soon."

Crouching over the toilet in your bra and knickers made you feel so exposed and uncomfortable, you held onto the seat of the toilet as you attempted to stand up but nausea overcame you one more, causing you to fall back down.

"Stay here, I'll be back in a moment." Phil said as he left the room.

He returned with a soft black dressing gown which he wrapped around you to keep you warm and covered up.

"Thh…thanks." You managed you tremble out.

"I need to talk to you about something." He said out of the blue, which scared you because you had an idea about what he wanted to talk to you about.

You turned to face him and gave him a puzzled gaze.

"Yesterday I went to your flat and met your friend Anastasia and your parents. They told me about you. I know." When he spoke to you, you just looked down at yourself. "But Anastasia mentioned something about treatment, but I never found out what she meant. Tell me…please."

You shook your head at him while still looking down.


	22. Chapter 22

Phil's point of view

As Y/n shook her head at you in response you felt so conflicted.

"Please. Just stop playing games, I'm tired of the lies." When you spoke Y/n looked down at the floor as she tried to ignore you.

You didn't know what else to do so you continued to rub her back while she heaved into the toilet for at least another half an hour until she felt well enough to go back to bed. You helped her up because she complained that her legs felt like jelly and her knees were too weak to carry her weight, but you didn't believe that this was because of her hangover.

"Do you want to go back to Dan's bed?"

"Could I stay in yours?" She asked sheepishly.

"Oh, yeah that's okay." You were shocked at her request because this would obviously not go down well with Dan. Maybe last night was just a drunken mistake to her.

She clung to you while you took her to your room, as you neared the kitchen she could barely walk so you picked her up and carried her gently towards your room. When you laid her down on your bed she looked up at you and smiled a guilty smile. Then, you sat on the end of your bed and watched her as she curled up into a ball and twitched every so often.

Time passed slowly as the two of you watched each other. Once in a while you would trace patterns with your finger on her back, arms and legs to comfort her.

"Phil." She said unexpectedly.

"What's up?"

"I'll tell you." She stuttered out.

"Thank you." You held her hand in yours and reassured her.

"I refused treatment."

You were stunned, it was hard for you to even begin processing what she just said.

"…why?" was all you managed say.

She closed her eyes as it looked as if she was holding back tears.

"Because…I'm ready."

"What for?" You asked confused.

"T…t…to die." She blurted out.

"Oh God no. How could you say that when you know how I feel about you!?" You raise your voice unexpectedly at her causing her eyes to widen.

"PHIL I'M NOT BEING FUNNY WITH YOU BUT IT IS MY CHOICE NOT YOURS." As she shouted at you she sat up and pushed your hands away from her, "I DECIDED THIS BEFORE YOU CAME INTO MY LIFE. AND IF YOU MUST KNOW I HAD ACTUALLY CHANGED MY MIND BUT YOU AND DAN BEGGED ME TO NOT GO BACK UP TO LIVERPOOL AND TO INSTEAD SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH YOU!"

By this time Dan has rushed into the room and heard what she said.

"Wait. So you were going to get treatment?" He said with a painful look across his face.

"Yes, but I changed my mind because you and Phil asked me to stay with you." Her voice had calmed a bit but she spoke with tension and irritation.

"Why?" you asked with tears in your eyes.

"Let's be honest here, and please try to see this from my point of view. I'm dying and I happen to meet two people that I idolise and they invite me to stay with them for Christmas, do you really think I'd say no to that when it rivals staying in a hospital while my insides are removed and killed with radiation?"

Both you and Dan were left with nothing to say at this point.

Y/n stood up without saying anything and headed to Dan's room, seconds later she emerged fully dressed as she headed towards the stairs. You and Dan exchanged concerned looks as you followed her.

"Wait. Don't go!" Dan shouted after her.

"Please talk about this with us!" You begged.

She turned back to face you both and said in a sincerely exhausted voice, "All I can say is the only reason we met each other is because I was lucky enough for you two both walk into my work. We aren't really friends and if I wasn't a fan you wouldn't like me, we have nothing in common. And in fairness I'm a complete bitch. So if I were you I'd let me go. Don't get yourself tangled up in me, I'm not worth it."

You and Dan continued to chase after her down the stairs, she tried to run but winced in pain with each step. Eventually you both grabbed her as she reached for the door handle.

"Get off!" She exclaimed.

Your point of view

Dan and Phil's hands held onto you with more strength than you could fight off. They collectively grabbed your arms and legs and carried you back upstairs as you screamed almost psychotically back at them. They dropped you back onto Phil's bed and held you down until you finished screaming and began crying to yourself. Their eyes were filled with pain as they struggled to keep you from leaving, they didn't want to do this but they had to as far as they were aware. But you just wished they'd let you go. It embarrassed you how you'd acted the entire time you'd known them. In fact you wished you'd never met them, it would have been easier dying thinking the best of them rather than meeting them and tarnishing the exterior image you idolised so much. Eventually you just lay on Phil's bed crying, not because you were upset about anything but because you were having a mood swing, while Dan wiped tears away from your eyes in the same way you'd done for him last night. He noticed that you were still wearing the necklace he has bought you and he began to twiddle it in his fingers.

"I'll leave you two alone, to talk about things." Phil said in a reserved voice. He left the room while you felt Dan stare at you with a look on his face that begged you to open up to him.

"Y/n, you can talk to me. Talk to me about anything." He said tranquilly.

"When I was younger I used to play in the woods with my friends, we'd pretend to be anything we wanted to be. The dens that we built, the things that we did. I thought those days would never end. But days do end and we sleep away the nights. Eventually we run out of time, like I have, and we die. We leave behind nothing but ashes Dan, I'm nothing."

You can see that Dan is trying to think of a counter argument but he can't because this is his own view upon life himself, that's why you liked him so much because you felt the same way about life and it's irrelevance in the scheme of the whole universe.


	23. Chapter 23

Your point of view

Eventually, after hours of walking, you reached the river Thames and walked alongside it until a bench came into view. You decided to sit down and give your tired legs a rest, and while doing so you checked your phone. Dan, Phil, Anastasia and your parents had all tried to contact you, presumably the message had been spread about that you were 'missing' which you weren't because you just wanted to be alone for a while. Sometimes you got so frustrated when you thought about how everyone treated you as if you were theirs rather than your own person, they treated you like a child who had ran away when all you wanted was some time to gather your own thoughts. Obviously you knew you were being unfair to them all and you could see their points of view, but this wasn't their life to live, it was yours even if you chose to die instead.

After time had passed two preteen girls walked over to you nervously, one was pale with ginger hair while the other had tanned skin with beautiful silky brown hair.

"Excuse me?" The ginger girl says.

You look up at them both and force a smile, "Yes? What's wrong?"

They exchange glances with one another until the brunette says "Are you Y/n?"

You reply to them with a reluctant nod while your smile slowly drops.

"Dan and Phil are looking for you." they say in unison.

A complete feeling of confusion baffles you as you wonder how they could have known that.

"It's trending on twitter, look." The brunette explains as she hands you her phone.

Scrolling through twitter you see the picture of you and Dan from last night that you had taken together which Dan had posted asking if anyone had seen you, it didn't help that you were wearing the same outfit. Feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed your face began to turn pink. Then you saw the trending hashtag, #FindY/n.

"Oh my god…" You say in a flat toned voice.

You hand the girl back her phone and she smiles back at you.

"So, we've found you, what now?" The ginger girl asks.

"I don't know, this isn't some sort of game you know?" You snap back at her causing both of them to give you dirty looks and walk away.

Once again you sit and watch the world go by. The feeling of your phone vibrating as you receive another text results in you checking your phone once more. People had found your twitter account and were tweeting you now, your followers had gone up to 300,000 which caused you to choke on your own breath. Just as you were about to put your phone down Dan texted you saying 'I know where you are and I'm coming to get you.' as you look around you see the two girls from before who you presumed had taken a picture of you and tweeted it to Dan.

"FUCK YOU!" you scream over to them, causing them to laugh and walk away.

You scratched your forehead and thought about crazy you must have seemed. Realising that you had to get away from here before Dan came to 'rescue' you caused you to walk around some shops for a while.

"Hey! Y/n is that you?" You hear a somewhat familiar voice call after you.

You hesitate to turn around thinking it would be another member of the Phandom trying to find you, but when you do turn you see Dan and Phil's friend Chris who you had met a while ago.

"Oh, hi. Yeah it's me." You reply, wondering if he had been on twitter.

When Chris is closer to you he smiles shyly. "What are the chances of this happening?" He laughs.

"mmhmm." You reply awkwardly.

"Are you doing okay? I haven't heard about you since Dan came back to their flat a few weeks ago."

"Oh, Phil and Dan talk about me?" You reply feeling slightly offended.

"Not much really. You should probably come along next we all hang out." He offers.

"Don't worry, that won't be happening." You say.

"Aren't you mates with them anymore?"

You look at him with complete exhaustion. "Look, Chris, I know you're just being friendly but back off."

"Dan was right about you." He says bluntly which causes you to stare wide eyed at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You do send mixed messages. I bet he's right about you being complicated, I can't say I'm jealous of him for having feelings for you." When he's finished speaking he walks away from you leaving you alone to think about what he'd just said.

'Fuck them all' you think to yourself.

Dan's point of view

After seeing a tweet with a photo saying that Y/n was sitting on a bench near the River Thames you had gotten a train near to where you expected her to be. But once you had arrived at the exact place the picture was taken she wasn't there. You check twitter and see more tweets saying she was at completely random places around the world, so you assume that the tweet you used to find her was just the beginning of a mass amount of trolling. Feeling unbelievably isolated, you take a seat on the bench and think through everything you had been through and what you hoped for.

Then a hand places itself on your shoulder, followed by a devastated voice "Dan, I'm sorry." It was Y/n.

When you turned to see her she had been crying and she looked weak to the bone, this caused you to stand up and hold her tightly.

"Don't apologise, just come back."

"I wasn't apologising for leaving. Please, stop treating me like this."

You look at her seemingly angry face, "What do you mean?" you ask.

"Like I belong to you, you don't own me and you can't make me come back because I never intended on things turning out like this."

"I'm only trying to make things better for you. Don't you see how this hurts me as well?"

She pulls away from your arms and gives you a sharp look, "Dan, you are not dying."

"Well you wouldn't be either if you'd just let us help you!" You say resentfully toward her.

"Fine, lets both admit that we make the other one unhappy and just move on."

"Move on?"

She looks to the ground then looks back up to you with a blank face, "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"No. don't do this."

"It's too late. I have done more than enough damage."

You can see that as she speaks, despite her blank expression, her fingers are twitching with anxiety which you interoperate as a sign of humanity.


	24. Chapter 24

Your point of view

Eventually, after hours of walking, you reached the river Thames and walked alongside it until a bench came into view. You decided to sit down and give your tired legs a rest, and while doing so you checked your phone. Dan, Phil, Anastasia and your parents had all tried to contact you, presumably the message had been spread about that you were 'missing' which you weren't because you just wanted to be alone for a while. Sometimes you got so frustrated when you thought about how everyone treated you as if you were theirs rather than your own person, they treated you like a child who had ran away when all you wanted was some time to gather your own thoughts. Obviously you knew you were being unfair to them all and you could see their points of view, but this wasn't their life to live, it was yours even if you chose to die instead.

After time had passed two preteen girls walked over to you nervously, one was pale with ginger hair while the other had tanned skin with beautiful silky brown hair.

"Excuse me?" The ginger girl says.

You look up at them both and force a smile, "Yes? What's wrong?"

They exchange glances with one another until the brunette says "Are you Y/n?"

You reply to them with a reluctant nod while your smile slowly drops.

"Dan and Phil are looking for you." they say in unison.

A complete feeling of confusion baffles you as you wonder how they could have known that.

"It's trending on twitter, look." The brunette explains as she hands you her phone.

Scrolling through twitter you see the picture of you and Dan from last night that you had taken together which Dan had posted asking if anyone had seen you, it didn't help that you were wearing the same outfit. Feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed your face began to turn pink. Then you saw the trending hashtag, #FindY/n.

"Oh my god…" You say in a flat toned voice.

You hand the girl back her phone and she smiles back at you.

"So, we've found you, what now?" The ginger girl asks.

"I don't know, this isn't some sort of game you know?" You snap back at her causing both of them to give you dirty looks and walk away.

Once again you sit and watch the world go by. The feeling of your phone vibrating as you receive another text results in you checking your phone once more. People had found your twitter account and were tweeting you now, your followers had gone up to 300,000 which caused you to choke on your own breath. Just as you were about to put your phone down Dan texted you saying 'I know where you are and I'm coming to get you.' as you look around you see the two girls from before who you presumed had taken a picture of you and tweeted it to Dan.

"FUCK YOU!" you scream over to them, causing them to laugh and walk away.

You scratched your forehead and thought about crazy you must have seemed. Realising that you had to get away from here before Dan came to 'rescue' you caused you to walk around some shops for a while.

"Hey! Y/n is that you?" You hear a somewhat familiar voice call after you.

You hesitate to turn around thinking it would be another member of the Phandom trying to find you, but when you do turn you see Dan and Phil's friend Chris who you had met a while ago.

"Oh, hi. Yeah it's me." You reply, wondering if he had been on twitter.

When Chris is closer to you he smiles shyly. "What are the chances of this happening?" He laughs.

"mmhmm." You reply awkwardly.

"Are you doing okay? I haven't heard about you since Dan came back to their flat a few weeks ago."

"Oh, Phil and Dan talk about me?" You reply feeling slightly offended.

"Not much really. You should probably come along next we all hang out." He offers.

"Don't worry, that won't be happening." You say.

"Aren't you mates with them anymore?"

You look at him with complete exhaustion. "Look, Chris, I know you're just being friendly but back off."

"Dan was right about you." He says bluntly which causes you to stare wide eyed at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You do send mixed messages. I bet he's right about you being complicated, I can't say I'm jealous of him for having feelings for you." When he's finished speaking he walks away from you leaving you alone to think about what he'd just said.

'Fuck them all' you think to yourself.

Dan's point of view

After seeing a tweet with a photo saying that Y/n was sitting on a bench near the River Thames you had gotten a train near to where you expected her to be. But once you had arrived at the exact place the picture was taken she wasn't there. You check twitter and see more tweets saying she was at completely random places around the world, so you assume that the tweet you used to find her was just the beginning of a mass amount of trolling. Feeling unbelievably isolated, you take a seat on the bench and think through everything you had been through and what you hoped for.

Then a hand places itself on your shoulder, followed by a devastated voice "Dan, I'm sorry." It was Y/n.

When you turned to see her she had been crying and she looked weak to the bone, this caused you to stand up and hold her tightly.

"Don't apologise, just come back."

"I wasn't apologising for leaving. Please, stop treating me like this."

You look at her seemingly angry face, "What do you mean?" you ask.

"Like I belong to you, you don't own me and you can't make me come back because I never intended on things turning out like this."

"I'm only trying to make things better for you. Don't you see how this hurts me as well?"

She pulls away from your arms and gives you a sharp look, "Dan, you are not dying."

"Well you wouldn't be either if you'd just let us help you!" You say resentfully toward her.

"Fine, lets both admit that we make the other one unhappy and just move on."

"Move on?"

She looks to the ground then looks back up to you with a blank face, "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"No. don't do this."

"It's too late. I have done more than enough damage."

You can see that as she speaks, despite her blank expression, her fingers are twitching with anxiety which you interoperate as a sign of humanity.


	25. Chapter 25

Your Point of View

As you stand by Dan, trying to get him to understand that he had to let you go, the overwhelming feeling of light-headedness causes you to take a couple steps backwards while placing your hands over your face.

Dan had been talking to you, rambling on about why he needed you, until he noticed you going weak at the knees, "…Y/n? What's wrong?"

You pull your hands down for a second as you look up at him in pain, "…T…take me home, please."

He instinctively holds his hand around your waist and chest as he supports your weight, without him by now you would have collapsed to the concrete pavement below you.

"Do you mean your flat or mine?" He asks.

"Mine, please." You say with a fragile tone, "But when we get there, before anything happens, make my family and Anastasia leave."

"Okay, but why?" He begs you.

Currently you felt completely dependent upon Dan so you had no other choice but to answer, "They…cannot, and I mean cannot, see me like this. It would just give them more fuel."

By now Dan had walked both of you two the underground, some people had given you concerned looks due to how it seemed Dan was dragging what looked like a moaning corpse around with him but you couldn't care less. On a day to day basis you rarely cared what people felt about you because everyone, even people you felt you cared for, was essentially irrelevant now as you faced death.

Once aboard a train, it became apparent there was nowhere to sit as it was packed full of business men and tourists. No one offered there seats to you despite how grey you looked as you spotted yourself in various reflections, it even startled you how unbearable it was to look at yourself. Dan let you lean all your body weight against him while he rubbed circles on your back as the journey home began.

"Dan…" when you speak he looks at you, "…I'm going to be sick."

Panic crosses his face, "Ermm…what can I do? Is there anything I can get you? Could you hold it down?" He begins to ramble questions but you just ignore him and concentrate on breathing.

Heavily, your head spins and your vision is warped as you cling to Dan's shirt as your only pillar to keep you standing. His t-shirt is being pulled down slightly, exposing what appears to be love bites that you had given him last night, as your weight slowly sinks to the ground. Before anyone notices you, Dan puts his hands under your shoulders and he lifts you into the air, you wrap your legs around him as much as you can as you drift in and out of consciousness. Your head lays rest on his shoulder as you pass out.

Dan's point of view

As you carried Y/n down the corridor of her apartment building towards her flat you realised you didn't have a key, she didn't have a bag so it was unlikely she had on either. This begged the question, how did she ever intend on getting back inside if she refused to go back when her family were there?

Once you had reached the door of her flat you knocked, hearing the sound of people inside.

The door was answered by a middle-aged woman who looked exactly like Y/n, just a few decades older, she looked at you in shock as she saw Y/n being carried by you like she was dead. Walking into her flat you headed straight for her bedroom where you carefully laid her down and turned back to the living room where her father, mother and a girl were panicking about her. You were shocked at how long you had carried her for, but you did what you had to do.

"You! What did you do to my daughter?" Her mother wails.

"ME? I JUST CARRIED HER FOR AN HOUR." You shout back at her in a temper, which shockingly caused all three people to stare in fear at one another.

The girl clears her throat, "Who are you?"

"I'm Dan." You reply blankly, remembering you had to get them out Y/n's flat.

"Never heard of you." She replies.

You raise an eyebrow at her because you didn't even care if she had ever heard of you, she said it to you as if you were supposed to be affected somehow.

"Look, I don't care who you are or how you are related to Y/n, but get out." You demand sharply to all of them.

"Well, excuse me but I am Y/n's father and I don't believe you have any right to…" The middle-aged man attempts to speak but you cut him off.

"Do I have to repeat myself?" GET THE FUCK OUT!" You roar at them as you direct them to the door.

They exchange glances and head sheepishly outside, you slam the door after them but then remember you probably should have been quieter because Y/n was sleeping.

It took you a few seconds to cool down, then you walked quietly toward the room in which Y/n was spread across a rather uncomfortable looking bed.

"Are you okay?" You say softly.

You get no reply.

Slowly you edge towards the bed and crouch near her face, she is still breathing so you take a moment to adore her face. Deep down you knew you liked her more than she liked you, because she liked Phil. This had been quite obvious to you for a while now but it hurt you when you attempted to face this. You place a soft kiss on her forehead, accepting that this might be the last time you'll ever get to kiss her. She flinches a bit, indicating that she is still somewhat conscious.

"Can I get you anything?" You whisper into her ear.

Her eyes shot open, "Dan!" she coughs out.

"What's wrong?"

"Listen carefully, go into my bathroom. There's a medicine cabinet above the sink, in there you will find a lot of bottles and packets. Look for oxycodone, remember oxycodone." As she speaks she curls in pain.

You run to her bathroom, which looks dark and poorly maintained, then you swing open the doors of the mirrored medicine cabinet. Shaking, your hands rummage through an unbelievable amount of medicine, which made you feel slightly sick as your stomach sunk in fear of how serious this could be. In moments you find a packet labelled oxycodone, which you grab along with a conveniently place glass that you filled with water. You headed back to her room as your heart raced, you didn't have a clue what this medication was and you were scared what would happen after she took it. Trying to trust that this would help her was difficult as you half believed that the reason she asked you to remove her family was because she intended to kill herself, but you tried to blank that thought out as you handed her the glass as you removed a pill from the packet.

She swallowed the pill and laid back on her bed, releasing a sigh of debility.

Cautiously, you stand to return the packet of pills but Y/n stops you.

"Wait, I might need more." Her words make you feel disturbed.


	26. Chapter 26

Dan's point of view

While Y/n adjusted to the sensation that her medication gave her you sat on the edge of her bed, listening to the sound of her slowing breathing. Half of you felt peaceful as her rhythmic breathing kept in time with your own but in contrast you also still felt shaken about what had happened. Questions about her rivalled through you mind, fighting as to which you would ask first when given the chance.

"I'm just going to have a shower." Y/n said softly as she placed a hand on my shoulder.

She then stood off of the bed and walked with aches and pains out of the room, out of sight. Sat alone on her bed you twiddled you fingers and texted Phil letting him know that you had found y/n and that she was safe. Then you tweeted out saying that she was okay and thanked them for their help and informed them that their countless questions would be answered in time. Throughout the duration of Y/n's shower a new hashtag was created, #WhoIsY/n, which worried you greatly because if she saw she wouldn't be happy. Obviously you ignored the tweets that came in and completely avoided the hashtag but eventually you just turned off your phone. Bored out of your mind, you stood up and began casually looking around Y/n's room, just to get to know her a bit better. She didn't have any pictures of her or her friends, apart from a Polaroid of herself and a guy who looked a bit like Phil but only younger which was placed on her bedside table. Her clothes weren't in a dresser or wardrobe but instead were placed and folded in boxes, as if she never even unpacked from when she first moved in, this haunted you slightly. Once you had realised this you began to notice how bare her walls were and how undecorated as a whole her entire apartment was, she really didn't expect to live this long.

Your point of view

After a long shower you dried yourself with a towel and looked at the tiny scars upon your body, at this point they were barely noticeable which you were grateful for as no one who had ever seen your abdomen had ever asked what they were. You'd forgotten to bring in clothes to the bathroom because normally you wouldn't have to so you wrapped a towel around yourself and peeked you head out of the steamed bathroom.

"Hey Dan, just warning you I'm only in a towel." You call out to him.

You walk into your room and see Dan sat on your bed, he looks at you and his mouths opens slightly while his eyes trail over your body. He turns red from embarrassment and looks down at the floor.

"I don't know what you're turning away for, you've seen everything." You mock his comment from earlier today and his laughs in response.

"Touché." He says with a smile.

While you pick up some clothes you can feel Dan's stare burn into your back, you're not sure why he's looking at you so much but you just assume he isn't used to seeing a half dying body.

While you are picking out your t-shirt he speaks up, "We err, we sure went at it didn't we?" His voice is suspiciously amused.

"Why do you say that?"

"Have you seen your back?"

You shake your head, stand up and then look at your back in your bedroom mirror. You gasp as you see your back is filled with scratches and love-bites, it is remarkable how you had not noticed them yet because they were almost disfiguring.

"JESUS CHRIST." You blurt out in a loud breathy voice.

Dan just sits on your bed completely amused to the point that he is crying laughing.

You continue with a curious tone, "Do you remember doing this to me?"

"I don't remember much to be fair, but yes I think I remember that. Don't you?"

"No, I still cannot handle drinking."

You continue to explore your back, letting your towel hang a little looser to expose more of your flesh which catches Dan's adoring eyes.

"They are pretty bad, aren't they?" He says in a slightly self-conscious expression.

You turn to face him and smile slightly, then you walk over and sit on his lap causing his eyes to widen. You wrap your arms around him while holding yourself tightly against him in a hug to keep your towel around your body. Both of you take this spontaneous moment to silently apologise for everything and just appreciate a piece of each other's time. Eventually you end up falling asleep next to Dan as you both lay, still wrapped together, upon the covers of your bed.

Dan's point of view

You awoke slowly, seeing that it was dark outside made you realise you had slept for hours because when you had arrived it was only around 2 in the afternoon. When you looked at Y/n you saw she was clinging to you with her thin, bony hands. She was still in only a towel but she was also partially covered by her blanket. Resting your head back, you stared at the ceiling and sighed while thinking over more ways to bring up her cancer in conversation. It seemed like an unspeakable topic despite how important it was due to how much tension she had surrounded it with. Sometimes it irked you how she acted and you wished that she could be less complicated than she was as it only made dealing with the situation harder. She must have been woken by your sigh because when you look back at her she is sat watching you with hazy eyes.

"When can we talk about…your health?" You question her carefully.

"I don't know, I mean soon I guess. I am trying Dan I swear. I don't mean to react the way I do I'm just a crank." She slurs slightly due to being half asleep, and surprisingly she reacted to you quiet well causing you to decide you like her when she is dozy.


	27. Chapter 27

Your point of view

Laying upon Dan in your cold, dull bedroom seemed like paradise as you pretended everything was okay for a few hours while you rested in your own little microcosm, until you decided it would be better if you got dressed. You slipped away from Dan while he stared at the ceiling and put on some underwear, a grey t shirt and some leggings. When you turned back to him you saw his tired eyes and felt, for the first time in a while, a bit of empathy towards him.

"Dan…?"

He look towards you and a tiny smile peeked from his lips, "Yeah?"

"If…if you have any sort of erm…questions you want to ask, that's okay."

His face dropped for a moment while he seemed to look over things in his mind, he eventually sat up on your bed and crossed his legs then gestured you over to him. You sat in front of him, also crossed legged, and took a deep breath.

"What…type is it?" He said with downcast eyes.

"To begin with it was ovarian, but I had them removed in an attempt to stop…" You chocked a bit "…to stop it spreading. But it was too late."

Dan took a deep, heavy breath with a sincerely thankful looking face. "Do you think, that if you got treatment, you could be cured now?"

You look at your lap and shake your head, "It has been two years since I've had any treatment apart from medication, and I haven't even been taking that."

"Are you sure? Because Phil and I were thinking maybe…"

"Stop, Dan, just stop." You interrupt him.

He looks at you with a dull expression as he tries to think of some way to convince you; you know deep down that it's too late now.

"My parents tried to get me into this experimental trial, they think that could save me." You say while trying to sound optimistic yet still not enough for him to get too much hope.

Unfortunately, his eyes widen with an unfathomable amount of optimism, "That's good, that's really fucking good! You should do it."

"I don't think that…that it's the best idea. Its experimental, could be really dangerous I guess." You stutter out.

He nods in agreement while once more looking dim and remorseful.

"I wish we could have spent the time we've had together in a better way." He admits.

"Me too."

Phil's point of view

A few hours ago, Anastasia had called you saying that Y/n had been brought back to her flat by Dan and that she looked practically dead. Y/n's parents and Anastasia had subsequently been forced to leave by Dan so she asked if she could come over to your flat because she didn't know anyone else. Despite the way she had spoken to you before, you felt that it would be rather spiteful of you to refuse so you invited them around. The whole time they'd been at your flat they had sat in the lounge watching T.V, while Y/n's mother helped with tea and coffee. They seemed like the type of people who played little roles in their lives as if it was a game to them were everything had to be perfect. They dressed conservatively and spoke eloquently, but to such an extent that it seemed they expected you to do the same. This lead to you understanding slightly why Y/n seemed to resent them because even after only a few hours you had already had enough.

It was around 7pm when they started to discuss where they were going to spend the night because no one had heard from Y/n or Dan for hours, apart from you but you decided not to tell them that out of sheer awkwardness. You suggested that it would be okay for them to stay in the guest room, and that Anastasia could take the sofa if she wanted. At first they turned their noses up at you but then just as quickly they realised they had no other option and thanked you.

"So, Phillip, how close are you and Daniel to our Y/n?" Her mother asked.

You thought carefully about your answer and decided to change the subject, "Quite close I guess. I'm sorry, but I never got your names."

"I'm Henry." The man replied, "And my wife is called Claire."

You continue to struggle with the small talk you forced yourself into for a few more hours until Y/n's parents went to bed, leaving you and Anastasia alone.

"So, tell me Phil, what has Y/n been up to?" She asks with a sly glint in her eyes.

"Not much, she works a lot."

"Don't play games with me. What is the deal with her and you two guys? Which one of you is she fucking?" her abrupt wording makes your eyes widen. She was acting completely different to how she was when Henry and Claire were here.

You stutter and choke on your words a bit, "Well, ermm…no one."

She raises her right eyebrow at you and leans closer to you while you sit next to eachother on the sofa, "Well then, I guess there's no reason I can't do this…"

She leans in and forces her lips to connect with yours, in a rough and controlling kiss. She pushes you back so you're laying down over the arm of the sofa and climbs on top of you.

You shake your head, "Stop!"

"Shh...You'll wake everyone up."

She connects your lips once more, causing you to push her away from you. You stand up and walk towards the door. The idea that you could threaten her to leave comes to mind but you decide it's just easier if you say goodnight.

"Just stop. Whatever this is just stop. Goodnight."

You walk towards you room and turn all the lights off in the house, then lay down on your bed and hope that Y/n and Dan are doing okay because you were still worried about the fact she'd turned up at her flat half dead according to her family.


	28. Chapter 28

Dan's point of view

After having a deep discussion with Y/n about her health, you both decided to hang out properly and enjoy what time you had left together. It seemed so weird that soon she would be dead, you couldn't get your mind around it. As you sat on her couch and watched a film, you felt unbearably possessive over and responsible for her; all you wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay but you knew that could only happen in an alternative universe because things were definitely not going to be okay. You were going to have to stand back and watch as she died. Eventually she would be a mere memory. She'd be that girl that danisnotonfire posted a picture of on twitter and then people never heard of again. She'd be that girl who sang on the streets of London but never got discovered. She'd be that girl who wiped down the bar in a rundown club. But most importantly she'd be yours. She'd always have a place in your memories, till your own death. But even then, due to your videos on the internet you felt you might always exist in some form, so she would too.

She'd chosen to watch one of her favourite films, but that didn't make much of a difference to you because you couldn't stop staring at her. You felt so desperate and helpless. Deep inside you had a craving that itched to help her. Some part of you wanted to force her to have treatment, but that was a selfish desire you supressed deeply.

"Y/n, can I ask you something?"

She looks at you for a moment and pauses the movie, "Sure. What's up?"

"I want to make you feel happy." You say as you take her hands in yours, "I don't have words to tell you how I feel, and I know last time I asked this things didn't go well, but will you be my girlfriend?"

"Dan…I…"

"Please, before you say no, hear me out."

She nods in response.

"Whatever makes you think you don't want a relationship, ignore that for now. I want to be there for you, and I want to hold your hand the entire way. I can support you and your decisions and be here with you so you're not alone. The feelings I have for you make me crazy, I've done awful things but I want to prove to you that I care so fucking much about you because I'd do anything to protect you."

By this time Y/n is just sat staring at you and you have no idea how she'll answer.

"If you're worried about…leaving me behind, I don't want you to think about that." You say in a loving tone as you curl her hair in your fingers.

"Okay."

"Okay? So you mean…"

"I mean yes, I'll be your girlfriend."

A huge grin spreads across your face as you hold her into a tight embrace.

"But Dan, there's something I should probably tell you first."

Phil's point of view

While you lay down in bed you think over what had happened with Anastasia. She seemed like an even bigger lunatic than Y/n. Eventually you became thirsty and despite how you tried to resist you had to get up to get a drink. When you got to the kitchen you accidentally walked straight into the glass door causing a loud bang to echo through the flat. Seconds later after you had composed yourself and refrained from shouting in pain, Anastasia walked into the kitchen while rubbing her eyes as she adjusted to the light.

"Umm, hey." She said rather awkwardly considering she was usually quite a confident twat. Usually you didn't think badly about people but the way she and Y/n's parents had acted really got on your nerves.

"Sorry if I woke you." you replied while pouring a glass of water.

"Whatever. But you failed to mention one thing to me earlier."

"Oh. What was that?"

"Well as I was getting ready to sleep earlier I had a look on twitter and saw a very unusual hashtag was trending. Does who is y/n sound familiar?"

Your stomach dropped as you looked out of the kitchen window to hide your changed expression.

"I…erm…I don't know what you're talking about." You manage to spurt out.

"Oh please, I did a bit of stalking and detective work and found out that you are quite the internet celebrity Mr Lester. I didn't realise when I kissed you I was making out with Amazingphil." She giggled as she spoke, she found the whole situation quite amusing. "And don't think I overlooked your little friend Dan. I wonder how your fans would react if I outed that you convinced a girl with cancer to refuse treatment?"

The realisation that she was blackmailing you made you feel physically sick. You turned back to face her as you felt the colour seep away from your skin.

"We didn't know at the time that she was ill. We thought she was going back to university." You admitted reluctantly because you were aware she would twist your answer.

"Hmm…so you told her to give up on education? Sounds just as bad Phil if you ask me." Her smirk grew with every word.

"What do you want? I know what you're doing so just get it over with."

"I want you to help me get Y/n back into treatment. Her parents want to pay for experimental treatment in America. You and Mr Howell are going to convince her it's what is best for her or you're going to force her, your choice quote frankly because otherwise I'm going to find out all your dirty little secrets and out them all."

Your heart was racing and you had broken into a sweat. You needed to talk to someone but you didn't know who.

"I couldn't do that to her." You plea.

"Really? Because she hasn't been the best of friends to you has she?"

"How? She can be difficult but she is troubled. But when she is calm she's an amazing person."

"Ha! What exactly do you take me for? I bet you one hundred pounds you have fucked the slag."

Your cheeks turn red with embarrassment. "And what if I have?" you reply shyly.

"Well, what exactly do you think her and Dan are doing right now?"

You might have felt sick before but now you actually wanted to throw up, because she was right. Running past her, you headed for the toilet where you heaved and gagged. You were never actually sick but you came close. Light-headed and feeling sorry for yourself, you headed back to your bedroom but as you walked past the kitchen Anastasia was still there.

"Don't think this isn't finished." She pointed her index finger at you as she spoke.

"I have tried convincing Y/n. It doesn't work." You say in an attempt to make her understand.

"Well you better think of another plan then, because if she isn't in a hospital in America after New Year I'm going to ruin your life one way or another. And don't think I'll stop at your social life, I'll find your friends and family. I'll make you wish you'd never met Y/n." Her eyes narrow and her voice grows violent as she orders you to act in a way you had never wanted to.

She heads back to the lounge while you practically run to your room and lock your door behind you.


	29. Chapter 29

Dan's point of view

You waited in heart-racing anticipation as Y/n began organising her thoughts as she prepared to tell you something that you dreaded hearing.

"What…what is it?" you tremble out.

She clears her throat and then looks down, "Dan, I have slept with Phil."

You don't know how to reply at first because you already knew that she had, but you didn't know how she would react if you told her that. So you sat and pretended to be in a state of shock for a few seconds.

"Please Dan, I hope this doesn't change how you feel." As she speaks she raises her head and stares at you with nervous eyes. You were surprised at how she spoke, it was the first time she had acted as if she didn't want things to stop. It was the first time she had acted as if she didn't want to let you go.

"I…I guess it doesn't change things." You smiled slightly at her while trying to remain as if you were still slightly bothered.

She wraps her arms around you and hugs you tightly, which shocks you again. It was so strange and alien to you when she acted this way, when she acted normally.

"Thank you so much Dan." She whispered into your ear as she rested her head on your shoulder.

"It's alright." You replied as you wrapped your arms around her.

After a few seconds you both returned to watching the film, which wasn't too bad if you were honest, and then you realised that you had to delete the video you recorded or Y/n and Phil before it was too late. When the movie had finished Y/n had already fallen asleep so you turned off the T.V. and carefully cradled her in your arms and carried her to bed.

Your point of view

You awoke at around 4am in bed next to Dan, not remembering how you had gotten to bed in the first place. As you looked around the room you saw your laptop and decided to do a little bit of browsing, so you crept carefully out of bed as to not wake Dan and grabbed your laptop then headed into your living room. You sat on your lumpy sofa and opened up facebook, where you were welcomed by quite a few friend requests which seemed unusual. Then watched a few youtube videos, in particular you decided to get to know Dan and Phil's friends a bit more so you watched a few vlogs of them all together. Finally you went onto twitter. You gasped loudly as your breath abandoned you while shock hit you violently. You had one million twitter followers and a new hashtag was trending. People wanted to know who you were, including youtubers. There were tweets off of Phil, Chris and Pj who had all explained to the phandom that you were a friend of theirs but nothing from Dan. You evening had direct messages off of Pj and Chris who tried to apologise for all the commotion and told you to try to be calm. You replied to them asking what you were supposed to do, people knew who you were. Your actual friends who followed you on twitter had tweeted about you as well, some reaping the attention while others defending you. Your hands shook nervously as you dropped your phone onto the laminate flooring which caused a slight bang on the floor.

Seconds later a puzzled, dazed and sleepy Dan shuffled in while yawing and stretching his arms above his head.

"What was that noise?" He mumbled.

"The fuck is going on with twitter Dan?"

He raises an eyebrow, "Wait why?...Oh…you've seen."

"What do I do? People are asking who I am, what do I reply, who am i?" You ramble on asking Dan questions as he walks over to you.

He sits next to you and cups your face with his hand and holds the back of your neck with his other, then he kisses your lips softly and slowly while you place your hands on his shoulders.

When he pulls away he replies, "Tell them you are my girlfriend."

You fake a smile while your mind races because you had told Phil you weren't ready for a relationship. Each thump of your heart becomes slightly painful due to the pressure that is exerted in order for you to even think.

"Huhh…okay. I mean great. Sure, I will."

As you type into twitter, 'For all of you asking, I am danisnotonfire 's girlfriend.' You hesitate to tweet it, you feel so unbelievably nervous at how people will react as being part of the phandom you were aware of how volatile people could be, and you knew that others would just not like you.

"You tweeted yet?" Dan asked as he made himself a glass of water at your kitchen.

"About to, why?"

"Because I'd like to tweet as well, saying basically the same thing as you." He continued.

"I'll wait for you then."

Dan sat next to you and took a sip of his drink, then set it down on your coffee table. He put his arm around your torso as he typed into twitter 'It's official, Y/T/N is my girlfriend.' He then winked at you as he pressed tweet while you hovered you finger over your phone. He looked at your expectantly while you quickly clicked tweet.

Within seconds Dan's phone was vibrating wildly, yours wasn't because you had notifications turned off. He'd had tweets off of his friends saying they wanted to meet me and joked (you hoped) saying they wanted to inspect to see if you were good enough. He had plenty of tweets asking why he'd tweeted this at 4am but this only made him laugh. After a while of the pair of you sitting and laughing at all the tweets Dan turned off notifications too.

"I'll see what else has happened in the morning." He smiles at you.

"Okie dokie." You reply as your eyes shift from left to right while you constantly think about how Phil will react to this. But then you questioned yourself on why you cared so much because you obviously must have cared more about Dan if you said yes to him, right? But then again you had always like Phil.

Once Dan had finished his drink you returned to bed where Dan cuddled you until he slept while you pretended to in his arms.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: _I never expected to get to chapter thirty! Thank you to everyone who has read this, it means a lot to me to know what you think so please don't hesitate to give feedback._

Dan's point of view

You knew Y/n hadn't slept all night but you acted as if you had not noticed; it felt nice to pretend. When your alarm went off at 10am you turned it off and rolled back into bed to cuddle her in hopes of starting the day off well. You thought about maybe taking her out somewhere, maybe to meet some of your friends or just to spend time as the two of you. She was the first proper relationship you'd had in a really long time so you wanted to do things right, and especially with her health you didn't want to put a foot out of line. She edged back into you and wrapped your arms around herself while you kissed the back of her shoulder.

"What would you like to do today?" you asked her while you twiddled a piece of her hair in your fingers.

"Anything." She replied.

"Let me think about something then." You spent a while contemplating something for the pair of you to do together, something that wouldn't be too dangerous for her but would allow you both to learn more about one another and gain trust.

"How about we go save Phil from Anastasia and my family?" Y/n asked with a worried look.

"I suppose we should, right?"

She nodded in response as you both climbed out of bed and began preparing for the inevitably awful confrontation that was about to occur.

Phil's point of view

In order to be a good host, to the worst guests you'd had in a while, you set out a breakfast on the dining table in the lounge. Y/n's family, Anastasia and you ate there and discussed trivial things and world events for a while until the subject changed due to a certain someone.

"So, what should we do about Y/n?" Anastasia asked with a raised eyebrow while glaring down the table at you.

"I think we should make the reasonable assumption that she has no intention of coming home." Claire responded.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean we should allow her to make any decisions herself. She's not right minded." Henry grunted.

Desperately you wanted to defend Y/n but you didn't have the guts to stand up to her family, and last night's threats from Anastasia indicated that you had no choice but to go along with their plans.

"Personally, I think we should force her to get that experimental treatment you have spoken about Henry." Anastasia directed at Henry.

"Completely, yes, I completely agree with you there." He replied.

"But…she has her own free will right?" Claire questioned nervously.

"Her own free will? Free will to get herself bloody killed. That's a great idea Claire, let our only child die then. You stupid cow." Henry bawled at Claire.

Claire cleared her throat and remained practically silent for the rest of the morning while Henry and Anastasia planned their tactics on how to convince Y/n to get treatment. This felt really strange to you, as if what they were doing was kind of illegal despite their questionably good intentions. Obviously they had the right to attempt to change her mind but this all seemed a little bit forceful and the lengths that they were willing to go too seemed endless.

While you cleaned the dishes in the kitchen you heard the front door open, which no one else noticed thankfully. So you hurried downstairs to see Dan and Y/n walking up towards you. Dan walked with his arm stretched out behind him with his hand intertwined with Y/n's, you felt that they seemed quite intimate.

When Dan made eye contact with you he smiled and mouthed, "They still here?" to which you nodded with an exhausted expression.

As they neared the top of the stairs their hands fell apart.

"Phil, have you been on twitter today?" Y/n asked shyly.

"Nope why?"

"Could we…maybe talk, in private?" she continued while her face seemed to grow anxious.

"I'm going to talk to you family okay?" Dan said to Y/n.

She nodded in reply while Dan walked towards the lounge and closed the door behind him, then she looked at your room and back at you as if to direct you towards there.

Once you both were in your room you sat at your bed and Y/n sat beside you but distanced herself oddly.

"So…why did you ask if I had been on twitter? Is something wrong?" You asked while Y/n looked away from you towards the floor.

"Phil, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for things to happen this way. Please don't hate me, or Dan." She replied with a voice like conveyed fear and regret.

"Y/n…you're scaring me a bit. What's happened?"

"Dan and I, we are kind of…together." She mumbled.

You paused for a moment. She had literally rejected you, told you she wasn't ready for a relationship, and now she was saying this. You struggle to even believe what she is telling you. Anastasia had been right about what she said last night, Y/n and Dan were…you didn't even want to think about it anymore.

"So, you are seeing each other?" You ask with vacated tone.

"I guess so. But Phil I want to know that you don't hate us. Please, I know I've been a complete…a completely awful friend but…"

"Friend? You know as well as I do that we were more than that. I cannot…cannot believe this. The night I just went through for you because I thought we were getting somewhere, I actually thought that eventually we would…actually never mind. I'm happy for you. I hope Dan just treats you as good as I would have."

"I…I'm so sorry Phil." She mumbled.

"Don't be. I'm just going to sit back, let you two have some space." As you spoke all you could think about was having to watch Y/n die while Dan was at her side instead of you. He would get to comfort her and love her while you stood in the shadows wishing you were him. Despite being Dan's best friend you doubted he could treat her better than you could, and you knew that even though you could help to save Y/n there was nothing you could do anymore except play along to Anastasia's game.


	31. Chapter 31

Dan's point of view

When you walked into the lounge you closed the door behind yourself and turned around to see Y/n's parents and Anastasia sitting down looking back at you with an expression of despair.

"Hello again Mr Howell." Her father greeted you with a sarcastic tone.

"Hello. What are you doing in my flat?" You responded sharply.

"Well you threw us out of Y/n's flat so where else did you expect us to go?!" Anastasia threw back at you.

"How about back home? What do you think about getting the fuck out of my flat and getting on a train far away from here? You are not needed, I…I mean Phil and I can take care of Y/n!" when you spoke you trembled a little bit as you realised that it wasn't only you who cared about Y/n here, and it wasn't just you and Phil.

"Dan! I think you should have a little conversation with Phil when Y/n isn't around to interfere. Maybe you would understand our point of view. Oh and from now on I would refrain from being so goddam rude to us." Anastasia responded with a glint of smugness.

You looked back and forth between the three people in the room attempting to analyse their thoughts. Anastasia seemed as arrogant as per usual, Y/n's father appeared to find you greatly annoying while Y/n's mother conveyed an anxious appearance.

"What do I need to talk to Phil about?" you query.

"Just ask him. Jesus Christ!" Y/n's father said angrily at you.

"Fine! But if I do will you just leave." You sneer back at him.

"We will leave right now if you tell us where Y/n is so we can go and get her!" Anastasia shouted at you.

"That's none of your business. She is allowed to go wherever she wants. She doesn't need you all chaperoning her everywhere she goes."

"We haven't seen her in two years!" Her mother wails out, "Do you have any idea what you're involved in?"

"I bet she is here right now!" Anastasia says while directly staring into your eyes.

Just as she speaks all three of them barge past you and head to the other rooms of the house searching for Y/n.

"Wait, she isn't here!" you call after them but it probably wasn't worth the effort as it is too late to stop them now.

You stand in the doorframe of the lounge, wanting to run to Phil's room to warn them but you know it will only alert the three of them where Y/n is. Eventually they push into his room, but you close your eyes because it is too irritating to watch them ignorantly search through your house with no regard for your privacy.

Once you hear the arguing coming from Phil's room you walk towards there and look in to see what unfolds.

Y/n's father grabs her by the shoulder and pulls her away from Phil who sits in shock with a saddened appearance. Her mother holds Anastasia back who is trying to help Y/n's father drag her out of the room. Standing in the door way you block their exit and as Y/n's father looks up at you with a fierce expression while you refuse to move.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU STUPID BOY!" he roars at you.

"LET HER GO BEFORE I LITERALLY THROW YOU OUT OF MY FLAT!" you shout back with even more intention and force.

"Dan…" as Phil speaks your eyes swiftly dart to him "just let him past." He says quietly with a voice filled with defeat while her stares at the carpet that his feet rest upon.

"Fuck off you prick!" for the first time you insult Phil with a vile choice of words, which instantly sends regret through your bones.

"Told you they would leave you stranded as soon as they had the chance." Anastasia says to Phil with a compassionate voice while Phil stares at you with wide and offended eyes.

"EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONCE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! SHIT IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!" Y/n screams above everybody's voices. She wriggles out of her father's grip and turns around to face them, "NONE OF YOU HAVE EVER LISTENED TO WHAT I WANT. I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY DECISIONS BECAUSE THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE! GET OUT OF THIS FLAT!" with every word she speaks her family's faces drop with disturbance. Her hands tremble and shake as she talks, leading you to believe she rarely tells them how she feels.

Anastasia is the first to walk out of the room, as she budges past you she glares back at Phil who looks at her with acknowledgement, which reminded you to speak to him alone later. She is swiftly followed by Y/n's father who grunts and mumbles as he heads out of the flat. Then, finally, Y/n's mother who looks at both you and Phil with apologetic glances leaves while shaking her head at Y/n.

"Thank god for that." You mumble under your breath.

"No, thank me." Y/n replied in an exhausted tone.

You notice that she starts to become quite pale and out of breath, probably from shouting so loudly, so you walk over to her and hold her for a few seconds as she rests all of her weight into you.

"You okay?"

"I could use a lie down." She admits.

"C'mon then." You say softly as you walk towards your bedroom with her as you leave Phil alone in hopes that things will wash over soon.

When you enter your bedroom, Y/n instantly climbs into your bed and closes her eyes. You lay down next to her and hold her body close to yours while you wait for her to fall asleep. After some time you remember that you intended on deleting that video you recorded of Y/n and Phil. A small part of you wanted to watch it but you were aware that you wouldn't because that would be an unbelievable violation of their privacy. You leant over the side of the bed and reached for your camera, but found nothing. It was gone. A sinking feeling encased you as you rolled out of the bed and searched as silently as possible for the camera but you found nothing. The next thing you know you head into Phil's room and stare at him for a couple seconds while he sits in the exact same place he sat in before, as if he hadn't moved this whole time.

He looks at you with a clenched jaw, "What do you want?"

"Have you got my camera?"

"…No…why? Why would I have that?" He replies, forgetting about the tension of before and now being more confused as to what has happened. You felt quite lucky that he had a short attention span and could rarely be mad at you for very long.

"I can't find it. If you do can you give it back to me straight away?"

"Sure."

You clear your throat, thinking about what Anastasia had said before, "Hey, Phil, Anastasia said I should talk to you about something. Something that would change my mind about helping Y/n."

"Ohh…did she?" Phil pauses for a moment, "Close the door and I'll tell you."

You turn back to the door and shut it behind you quietly, then you face Phil ready for what he is about to say.


	32. Chapter 32

Phil's point of view

Once Dan had closed your bedroom door he sat at the headboard of your bed and leant against some pillows.

"Well then, what did Anastasia mean?" He asks you.

Looking back over what happened with Anastasia made everything seem like a blur. There were some parts of the conversation you needed to decide whether or not you should tell Dan. After a few seconds you turned to face him. He looked so worried, and he was right to be.

"She…she basically said that…because of what we did…" you clear your throat, "…because we stopped Y/n going back for treatment, Anastasia threatened to tell everyone a vilified version of events. Unless we essentially force Y/n into getting treatment by the begging of next year."

"Jesus Christ Phil. I don't know what to say. Is there any way we can, I don't know, just not do it. I mean we could explain why we did it right? We could clear up rumours." Dan spoke with a disturbed tone of voice.

You shook your head, "No. She threatened to find our friends and family and hurt them. I'm not sure if I'm willing to risk my family, Dan."

Dan looked down and seemed to contemplate things for a second, "Me neither. But, how could we _force_ Y/n to get treatment? That's not really something I want to do to her."

An idea, although it seemed small and overly saccharine, emerged from your mind.

"Well, there is one thing we could do."

"What's that?" Dan asked.

"Make her want to live. We could turn things around. If we pretend everything is good, or even perfect, for a month. Maybe that would make her change her own mind." You said cautiously and a little optimistically.

"I…I don't understand. What exactly do you mean?" Dan's face seemed weary. Maybe because essentially what you were saying was you wanted to lie to her so she thought her life could be worth living.

"If we spent Christmas making her think we loved her and that if she lived she could spend the rest of her life with us then maybe she'd decide that she wanted to live."

He looked at you with slight anger and confusion, "Phil, the difference here is that I do want spend the rest of my life with her, I can't and I won't play in a little façade."

"No you don't understand. If you really do want to be with her then it wouldn't be a lie, right?" it broke you to do this because you wanted to be with Y/n. But instead you were sat at the end of your bed on a mid-December afternoon convincing Dan to act upon his feelings rather than you. But you attempted to put your mind at ease by reminding yourself that things rarely stay intact. knots tied in your stomach as you thought of Anastasia's words, how she predicted that Dan and Y/n would be together and leave you, how she wanted you to be a part of her elaborate plan to 'save' Y/n's life. As you thought about things you puzzled over whether or not Anastasia was a good friend, she had intentions of helping but she went a weird way about it. Sometimes you felt that you had lost all hope.

"I guess you're right." Dan huffed as he stood up and walked towards your bedroom door. "Oh and remember, if you see my camera give it to me straight away, okay?"

"Sure." You replied as he walked out your room.

Wondering about what Dan needed his camera for was strange, because he usually borrowed yours if he lost his. He seemed very hung-up about losing it.

Your point of view

As you lay on Dan's bed you felt his hand rest on your side which woke you.

"Hey, need anything to eat?" he ask softly.

Your eyes flickered open, you faced the bedroom wall and as you turned around to see Dan he looked worried. He was kneeling next to you while smiling awkwardly down at you.

"Oh, I'm fine thanks. But…what's wrong?" your voice was low and flat due to being so tired.

"You haven't eaten all day." He replied, looking more concerned than before.

You look down at yourself, trying to recognise if you're actually hungry, then you look back up to his eyes.

"Okay, well what about…" you tried to think of something you could be bothered eating just to please Dan, but then you realised you didn't even know if it would be breakfast or dinner. "…what have you got in the kitchen?"

"I'll go and check, one minute." Dan stood off the bed and walked towards the door.

"Wait." You call after him as you follow him into the kitchen.

For a few minutes you search through the cupboards and eventually you decide upon making a lasagne. At first Dan resisted to you cooking for yourself but once you remind him you had been alone for two years and been fine he sheepishly backed down. Dan sat in the living room with Phil while you cooked and listened to music. Sometimes you missed being alone, despite how Dan and Phil made you feel, because it could be a bit suffocating to constantly be surrounded by people who doubted your ability to even look after yourself. That's why you left your parents, because they treated you the exact same way.

Phil's point of view

As you sat on the armchair in the living room your phone vibrated. When you checked it you saw it was a message from Anastasia asking for Dan's number, so you texted back giving her it. Then you continued to watch T.V with Dan sat across from you. After a few minutes Dan's phone vibrated and when he looked at it his face dropped.

"What's wrong?" You asked.

He looked up at you with wide eyes and shook his head, "Nothing…everything's good." Then he started texting on his phone consistently for the rest of the time that it took Y/n to make you all dinner.

You set the table and helped Y/n serve the food while Dan sat at the table staring at his phone which was faced screen down, as if he was hiding something. You shook it off, lately you had become really paranoid.


	33. Chapter 33

Dan's point of view

After eating dinner with Phil and y/n you headed to your room and shut the door over, leaving Phil and y/n alone for the afternoon. Once more, you read over the texts between Anastasia and yourself. She had the camera. She'd watched the video. And now she was threatening to post it online. You had already agreed to be in the plan with Phil, but Anastasia wanted to meet up with you instead to discuss something else just before she left London to return to Liverpool.

Anastasia's text read 'I'll see you in half an hour, or the internet will see the video in half an hour. It's your choice.'

You had to hurry, so you grabbed your jacket and headed downstairs without telling Phil or y/n where you were going.

Phil's point of view

The sound of the front door slamming erupted up the stairs causing yourself and y/n to glance at one another in acknowledgement.

"Was that Dan leaving?" questioned Y/n.

"I guess so. What is he doing?" you replied.

"I don't know." She answered as she stood up and walked towards the window where she peered between the blinds. "He's just walked down the street, he could be going anywhere."

"Oh. That's a bit weird. Did you think he was acting a bit strange earlier?"

"Not really, no. But honestly I don't know either of you very well, so I don't know what is 'strange' for you both."

You raised an eyebrow, "So you're telling me you watched our videos for years but don't know how we behave?"

She turned back towards you, "Well, this is a bit different isn't it. Like, you're actually nothing like how you portray online."

"In what way?"

Y/n walked over to you and sat on the couch next to you, "Dan, is a lot more controlling and needy. You, well you're not as happy. I mean we've acknowledged that I'm not always consistent but you two are something else." After she spoke she stood up and walked out the room, presumably to Dan's room.

This gave you some time alone to think. Did she really think you were unhappy? And how unhappy did she think you were? You became frustrated because deep down you felt that she had caused a lot of this and she doesn't even know half of what is going on. Maybe you should have told her about what happened with Anastasia, she could have done something. Maybe telling her would cause her to change her mind about the treatment. Maybe telling her that Dan was planning on pretending to make her happy so she would choose to live would make her change her mind about being with Dan instead of you. But you couldn't tell her, because you knew she wouldn't change her mind if she thought she was being manipulated.

Your point of view

You couldn't stay in a room alone with Phil for too long. The awkwardness made you cringe because not only did he look at you with pure sadness but also with a hint of lust. There was a constant urge to kiss one another, which was painful to resist. Or at least this was how you felt. He made you feel things that you knew Dan would never be able to because Dan just was not mature enough. Sure, Dan was smart and eloquent but he was not mature, if you really took the time to notice.

Sat at the end of Dan's bed you twiddled your fingers waiting for something to do. All your things were at your flat and you didn't really feel like going to get anything. You spend at least half an hour scrolling through your phone, then there was a tap at the door.

"Hey, Y/n. Its Phil. Could I come in for a second?" Phil's voice calls through the door.

"Oh, yeah sure." You say in reply.

Turning your body around, you see him walk into Dan's room with a sheepish look upon his face.

"I'm…so…so sorry." He stuttered as he slowly walks towards you.

"What for?" You question.

He doesn't respond. Instead he just edges towards you wearily.

"Phil?" You tremble out.

His body leans over yours at the end of the bed, with both of his hands placed either side of you on the bed. You watch as his eyes wander up and down your body, taking their time to appreciate every inch of you.

"I can't help it, I just need to…to look at you." He muttered close to your ears, sending a shiver down your spine.

The intense stare he burned into your body gave you goose bumps that dabbled upon your skin. Then his eyes drifted to your shoulders. His eyes twitched and glanced up to yours.

"What is that?" He asked with torment.

Lifting your hand to your shoulder, you pick up your collar slightly and see the immense amount of love bites and scratches left behind by Dan. You just look up at Phil with shame; you were embarrassed that he'd seen this.

"I didn't notice this the other day when you were being sick. Did Dan do this to you?"

You took a moment, then replied "Yes".

"I would never do that to you. That's disgusting. He should love you, not hurt you." He spoke softly into your ear, as his warm breath tingles your neck. "Christ, I would make every inch of you quiver if I had the chance."

As he spoke you accidentally let out a small moan, causing Phil to lean away from your neck and stare into your eyes.

"You know, I won't tell if you don't." His lips spoke inches away from yours, hinting at the one thing you both wanted right now.

At this point your breathing was heavy, almost panting, and your heart was racing.

"But...what about Dan?" You question.

"I just told you, I won't tell him." He twirled a piece of your hair between his fingers and stared intensely into your eyes.

A heavy temptation cause your hand to lift slowly to his face, where you cup his cheek. "Phil…" You say quietly, not sure how to reply.

His hands drifted to the sides of your waist. His left hand remained in the curve of your hips, while the other drifted down to your thigh. He edged his way onto the bed and hovered above you, intertwining your legs with his own.

"If you don't want to, I'll stop. But just know, I'll always want to do this. Even if you choose Dan, and visit me a few times a year, I'll still want to do this every time."

"…Wait…wait what do you mean? Visit you a few times a year. Phil I don't know if you know this but…I'll probably be dead in a year." You whisper sympathetically.

"Get the experimental treatment."

His words shocked you. Why did he think he could say this? It had nothing to do with him. Was this all about making you change your mind? You tried to remain level headed and ignore any paranoia but you couldn't help it. Most people wouldn't have picked up on him asking to see you a few times a year, but your anxiety gave you an attention to detail few could match.

"What the fuck." You pull yourself from underneath him and get off the other side of the bed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." He replied as he stood up and walked towards you.

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING SAID ANYTHING PHIL! YOU SILLY CUNT!" as you roared towards him, he still walked near you and lifted his arms to calm you.

"Y/n, please. I'm sorry."

"STOP IT! GO AWAY! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME?" you scream at him, pushing his hands away from you.

He continues to wrap his arms around you and restrict your outburst, "I know I've been insensitive, it must be hard to deal with this awful disease by yourself, I'm sorry."

You continue to struggle in his grip, "IT'S NOT THE FUCKING CANCER YOU FUCKING IDIOT, I KNOW I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE! IT'S HAVING TO…TO…to choose between you…and…Dan." Your voice lowers to a mere mutter by the time your words have been spoken.

Staring wide eyed at you, Phil was speechless but still holding onto you tightly.

"Let me go, please." You beg him.

"Choose me." He muttered.

"What? Phil, I'm sorry, but you know I can't. I'm Dan's girlfriend." As you spoke you stared into his eyes.

"You say that, but I bet if I kissed you right now, we'd end up in Dan's bed. I fucking bet you."

"Oh! Do you? 'Cause I don't." You replied spitefully.

"Really? Then you're in denial." He threw back at you.

"I…I…I'm not!"

"Convince me then." Phil replies in a low voice as he leans his mouth towards yours.


End file.
